


The White Cliffs of Dover

by ScientificName



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Because Winter Soldier, F/M, Fem!Toni Stark, Fem!Tony, Historical Inaccuracy, Love Triangles, Not Really Character Death, Not Time Travel, Skinny!Steve, Unrequited Love, a lot of bromance, a lot of romance, for quite a considerable amount of chapters because I love my skinny!Steve, pre-serum!Steve, tags will be added as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 06:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2377940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScientificName/pseuds/ScientificName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve was a skinny, 110 pounds of asthmatic. Then he was Captain America, the hope for the entire world at war. There was Toni, the love of his life and Bucky, his best friend till the end of the line.<br/>Then there was loss and pain and a plunge into the Arctic.<br/>70 years later, he is once again Captain America but now there is an Ironman and a Winter Soldier.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin the Beguine

**Author's Note:**

> As the old readers may already know & new readers may be interested in knowing, this is actually a repost of my story from a different ao3 account. Due to issues, I had to change accounts and am reposting everything here instead. I will post a chapter a day till we are all caught up. New chapters will posted after that.  
> About the story, I tried to make this as authentic to the era as possible but these warnings for inaccurate history and timelines is qualified for all the chapters henceforth. I have tried to keep the dialogues vaguely similar to the times, which means there will be slangs and phrases typical to the 1940s and yes, some 1930s too so if you don’t get certain terms then, feel free to ask even though I will provide a glossary at the end for those words that I think might trouble you :)  
> Now, this is an AU so be aware that I have taken the term “Alternate Universe” to heart.  
> Also, I have taken liberty to alter characters and origins to fit my story, even though I have tried to keep them in close parallel.  
> Well, enough talking, onto the story!

_Brooklyn, United States 1943_

“Bucky, put that thing away before you break something!”

“Steve, but I am booooored! It’s just a ball so you don’t have to worry.” James replied, rolling his eyes as he continued to throw the worn out ball against the wall and catch it with one hand as it bounced back, “What can possibly go wrong?”

And really, one shouldn’t ask stupid questions like that. The ball bounced back off from an angle and caught the ratty old shelf instead. All its items toppled off one by one from the edge as it succumbed to the domino effect. Finally, like a dramatic climax, it happened in slow motion; the book on the end hit the angel figurine beside it which in turn toppled the crackling radio off the edge. The old radio met its rather unfortunate (but long time coming) end and stopped the crooning of Frank Sinatra short.

“BUCKYY!!!”

* * *

 

“What are we doing here again, Bucky?” Steve huffed, as he kicked through the junk around him.

“Looking for a radio, you knucklehead.”

“Don’t call me that!” Steve folded his arms defensively as he stood a straight back.

“Yeah? Well, don’t ask stupid questions then.” Bucky retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Well, it’s not stupid as I don’t see a radio anywhere.” Steve replied hotly not admitting defeat over an argument that Bucky was the sole reason for.

“Well, of course it won’t just be sitting on a throne majestically for us to magically find.” Bucky sarcastically replied and then added with a charming grin. “And remember we found one here last time so…”

“Last time was years ago, Buck! And with the war…it’s even hard to find scrap metal to sell!”

“Ease up, big boy, we will find something!”

* * *

 

“Well that was a dud.” Bucky exclaimed loudly as he fell back on the hard bed of their tiny apartment. The metal in the bed groaned and rattled under the weight but remained standing. Everything in the apartment were under similar conditions.

“Yes, Bucky it was.” Steve drawled, not entirely pleased with the entire endeavor.

“I can feel you judging me, Steve. Stop judging me.” Barnes rolled over to look at his friend. “I guess we will have to get the broken one fixed after all. I think they fix’em up down by _Sal’s_ , you think?”

“Bucky, you know we have no money to get it fixed.” Steve immediately shot his friend down and perched himself on the window sill to look over the street below. Somehow, it made him look even smaller.

“I don’t know, between listening to the broad upstairs complaining to her poor bastard of a husband and listening to Peggy Lee, I think I can pick the better dame.”

Upon seeing the unimpressed look on his friend’s face, Bucky added. “I could ask for extra hours or maybe they will finally let me be a soda jerker*.”

“Think Mr. Patterson will do that??” Steve sounded skeptical. Mr. Patterson, Bucky’s employer at the diner and told him that Bucky needed to work for few more weeks before he could be given the responsibility to man the soda fountain when Bucky had previously asked to be given that job instead of just busing tables which hardly got him much. And it had been just over a month that

Bucky had been working at _Big P’s Family Diner_ . “Maybe I could see if they will want to give a little more for the comic strip this time at the papers.”

“Yeah, you do that, and I will see Mr. Patterson about it early tomorrow and I’ll go down by _Sal’s_ and get a price on it, too.” Bucky stated and then added as an afterthought “Hey, maybe you should consider drawing for a girly magazine*.”

Steve only looked back unimpressed.

Bucky shuffled under his pillow before pulling out a worn magazine copy and threw it across the room towards Steve. Steve barely managed to catch it before he lost his balance and stumbled forward.

“For reference.” Bucky winked showing off his pearly teeth in a boyish grin.

“Dammitt Bucky!” Steve cursed, as he flipped the magazine randomly in the center without thought only to shut it close it immediately with a huff and reddening cheeks.

Bucky burst out laughing, almost falling off the small bed.

“Oh Steve! Your face! Your cheeks look as rosy as a dame’s!”

Steve tried to ignore him, cheeks still aflame. He looked down at his laps, but of course his lap was covered by Bucky’s girly magazine. On the cover, was a beautiful dame and he would have said beautiful even if she wasn’t wearing so little clothing. Her eyes were lined with kohl and her eyebrows arched delicately, and puckered red lips greeted him coquettishly.

“Don’t glare at Betty Grable.” Bucky yelled across, after finally curbing his laughter.

“I am not glaring at her.” Steve retorted as he tossed the magazine back.

“Hey! A little care. This is probably going to be a family heirloom to give to my grandchildren.” Bucky shouted back as he smoothened the cover and blew over imaginary film of dust in a very dramatic manner.

“You are bonkers!” Steve exclaimed, laughing and Bucky smirked back.

“What? I like brunettes.” Bucky said as he started flicking through the magazine nonchalantly. He looked up innocently but upon catching each other’s eye, they both burst out laughing.

 

* * *

 

Glossary:

✪ Soda jerker : A soda jerk (or soda jerker is a person — typically a youth — who operates the soda fountain, often for the purpose of preparing and serving flavored soda water or an ice cream soda.

✪ Girly magazine: A pornographic magazine.


	2. I am a woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lord! 35 subscriptions?! Well, if I had any doubt over whether people were still interested in this story then it is all gone now.  
> And, I do apologise to old readers who have to re-read this whole thing again but I believe that this is a great opportunity to refresh all our memories. Even I as the author had forgotten some of it! And, I do make a few changes here and there that may or may not affect the chapters later…  
> So, chapter 2 here we go!

Steve scratched from the right and scratched over it from left. The sound of charcoal scratching against the cheap drawing paper was the only sound in the small apartment; occasionally, one would hear the honking of a jalopy* and neighbours screaming hoarse at each other, feuding over the ration or cursing the Nazis and then talk about Roosevelt before diving into Oklahoma*. Steve hardly paid any attention to it though, too lost in slashing the right amount of hashing to get the shade on the fruit bowl just right.

But he didn’t miss the sound of the door slamming open and the maniacally barging Bucky.

“Steve, I think I am in love.”

* * *

 

“Get out of here or else I will slug you!” The female voice was powerful and Steve reeled back because he had never heard a dame speak that way before.

“Ease up, dollface. Don’t be like that. All I asked is for you to skip work and have a soda with me.”

Steve began to like the greasy voice talking to the woman even lesser than before.

“Not interested. Now, get out if you ain’t here to get anything fixed!” The dame spoke and he could feel the angry energy behind the words. When the other guy said nothing but stood there with his arms crossed his chest looking entirely displeased Steve moved forward to help, only to be held back by Bucky.

“Just wait.” Bucky whispered and they both watched the spectacle before them- Steve, reluctantly and Bucky with a gleaming adoration.

The young man that Steve thought looked vaguely familiar pulled at his suspenders and snapped it before sneering.

“Yeah, well dressed like that, you are probably a dyke* anyway.” The young man spew out venomously.

Steve leapt out front only to be held back by Barnes once again. Why wasn’t Bucky doing anything? Nobody should talk to a lady that way. Also, the comment made Steve glance once at what she was wearing and from what he could see from front of the counter, she was wearing large men’s trousers with a large open check shirt over a faded white shirt. There weren’t many women who wore pants and those who did, worked at the factory but this pretty dame obviously didn’t work there, yet she was wearing them and Steve thought she couldn’t have looked more beautiful.

“Well, I would rather be a dyke than go anywhere with a bloody swine like you.”

And Steve decided she also cussed like a sailor.

“She is a dynamite, Steve.” Bucky whispered in his ears once again, eyes shining in something like admiration and voice full of awe. Steve wasn’t any less impressed.

The greasy git also noticing the company and in humiliation stormed out of the store; the small bell above the door rang sharply in the passing.

“You going to stand there gawk or you have something to get fixed?” She snapped towards their direction and Bucky gave her the most charming smile.

“Yes doll, I came in here earlier about the radio?” Bucky said, his voice low and flirtatious.

“Be more specific. A lot of people came about a radio” She smiled back, a mocking saccharine smile, completely unimpressed by the charm being laid on.

Bucky faltered slightly but recovered as he blindly extended his hand behind him and called out, “Hey Steve, hand me the radio.”

There was no answer and dame in front of him merely raised an eyebrow.

“Steve? Buddy? Are you there?” Bucky turned around but no one was behind him.

“Yeah, your pal just walked out actually.” She stated smugly, as she folded her arms and leaned against her chair behind the counter.

“Dammit, Rogers!” Bucky cursed and immediately ran out, knowing very well why Steve had left. That idiot was most likely lecturing the previous idiot about propriety or probably getting beaten up in some alley. ‘Steve, _you_ idiot!”

* * *

 

Barnes ran two empty alleys uptown. He found out he had company when he realized someone else had come up behind him, “Okay, where are we running? What are we looking for? Is it that skinny friend of yours?”

That made him stop short. What was the pretty dame doing following him?

“What are you doing?” He demanded, breathing heavily.

“Uh. I asked you first, knucklehead.” She breathed out hotly, hands poised on her hips, chest heaving up and down.

“Look, my friend- yeah, the skinny one-has this very high moral beliefs and he doesn’t like bullies and he has no sense of self-preservation-” Barnes was cut off as she raised her hand in front to signal him to stop.

“He went after that twat from the shop, didn’t he?” She concluded and Bucky nodded in agreement, relieved he didn’t have to spend precious moments explaining it to someone. “We have to find him before the twit clips* the fellow.” Bucky nodded more urgently.

“You go look at the next alley because they couldn’t have gotten further than that and I will run downtown’s corners.” She added before turning around and running away from him and disappearing around the block. Barnes cursed loudly; he was caught up in worry that he had had to take chance over uptown or downtown during his search and right now the son of a bitch could be beating Steve in some downtown alley. Bucky could only desperately hope that they were in the next alleyway or he would have to run back down and waste more precious moments.

Of course, as his luck would have it (or Steve’s in this case) it wasn’t the next alley so he had to turn heads and run back to where he came from to find his friend and the brunette from the shop. He hoped nothing bad had happened yet.

As he crossed the shop and the next two alleys, he heard loud yelling and someone groaning; enough experience told him that it wasn’t Steve. That was surprising.

The yelling voice however had become familiar over the course of the hour.

* * *

 

“If you don’t get lost now, the cops will be the last thing you will be worrying about.” The very angry female voice shouted.

The man let go off his grip off of Steve’s bloody shirt and shoved him away. He glared down at Steve and sneered, “Next time, try picking a fight with someone your own size.”

He turned towards the dame the next second and mockingly said, “Dolly, you don’t want to do this.”

“Don’t I?” She mocked before slugging him good in the face. The man’s expression looked a mixture of shock and anger but quickly got over it and tried to punch back only to be kicked in the groin. The bully went down, howling in pain.

She caught the assailant’s arm and twist it around. More painful growl followed.

She bent down and asked smoothly, “Now, when I let go, you are going to leave and never show me your disgusting face again.” The man in question nodded through gritted teeth and she let go. She turned around to where Steve lay and offered a hand.

But of course, some people don’t understand polite language as the goon got up, preparing to charge.

* * *

Bucky had reached the mouth of the alley and had seen enough to be impressed and slightly terrified. He did run towards them but was nothing more than a spectator as he saw how the dame had handled it. However, when the idiot still hadn’t learnt his lesson and Bucky saw him about to jump the girl, he had to intervene.

“Buddy, I don’t think you want to do that.” Bucky suggested, and kicked him in the stomach for effect.

The bully jerked back but managed to throw a punch that Bucky caught mid-air. “If a dame can kick your hide, you really want to try this with me?”

And a few extra punches and kicks were enough for the other to decide he couldn't win; he turned tails and ran off but not before Bucky managed to kick him in the butt one last time.

“You folks okay?” Bucky turned towards his friend and the girl, expecting a gratuitous greeting but got a slugger* in the face instead.

“OWWW! What was that?!” he yelled, more surprise than pain, even though it did hurt quite a bit.

“Think about it.” Was the sharp reply from the brunette as she glared at Bucky. “and don’t call me a dame ever again.”

“I had him on the ropes.” Steve also defensively added. Someone snorted and Steve glared at the source.

“What? It wasn’t a joke?” She asked sweetly, too sweetly. Then she went back to speak normally. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up, and that cut checked. First we need to get to the shop so I can close it down and I live just a block away so keep up.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged glances but dutifully followed the brunette.

She stopped short as they reached the mouth of the alley and they too stopped abruptly behind her, almost colliding against her back.

“Oh! By the way, name’s Toni.” And with that she turned the corner.

* * *

Glossary:

 **Jalopy** : A type of an old car

“ **Oklahoma** ” was a popular musical on stage in 1943

 **Dyke** : A female homosexual

 **to clip** : to kill

 **slugger/slug** : to punch/punch


	3. The Lady is a Tramp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiit! So, I said a chapter a day? I got a little busy with [my redbubble](http://www.redbubble.com/people/sumibirds/shop) yesterday so I am sorry but here is the chapter and go check it out!!! :D

Steve learned a lot about Toni in the following days; he learned how her apartment was even smaller than the one he and Bucky shared (or maybe it was so because of the litter of wires and scraps and metal tools lying around everywhere). He also learned she was smart and maybe not just smart but a genius. Also, Bucky will bless her for the rest of his life over the fact that she fixed their radio without any charge.

“For defending my honour” she had said, snorting and shaking her head, amusement laced in her brown eyes as she had cleaned the cuts on his face before applying band aids.

He learned she was funny and kind and cursed worse than any one he had ever met. He learned that her brown hair was as wild as she was and it would always be a wavy mess no matter how many times she ran her brush through them and pin it down.

But mostly, he learned how different she was from any other dame he had met. Not that he had met many; in fact, he hadn’t even talked to one properly. He was barely 90 pounds of flesh and bones (of course, his official records said he was 110 pounds but Bucky wouldn’t believe him) and shorter than most men his age-hell even shorter than some women. To say, he wasn’t popular with the ladies would have been an understatement. Who wanted to dance with someone who they could possibly step on? So, it continued to take him by surprise since the first moment, whenever she even talked to him.

“You feeling better now, big cheese*?” She had asked, wiping her hands on her trousers after lightly patting his bandages.

“He is probably feeling a dozen times better since a beautiful woman played nurse.” Bucky had piped in and Steve couldn't help wince in sympathy as Toni had provided him the iciest stare and completely ignored him.

“Steve, how do you feel?” She had asked again, with extra emphasis on his name.

Despite his best effort, a blush had made its way to his face and neck. He had gulped but hastily answered. “Better. Much better.”

“I am invisible!” Bucky had mumbled disbelievingly as soon as they were out of Toni’s apartment. “I am turning into you. It’s like a horrible dream.”

Steve will deny that it hurt more than he would ever admit. So, he sardonically replied, “Don’t take it so hard. Maybe she’s got a friend.”

Add to the fact that Bucky was always the one to make the ladies swoon and who was always popular with them, but this one amazing woman had chosen to speak just a few words to him over his friend. He will admit that it had made him feel euphoric and it still did every time.

* * *

 

“Steve, you are not my mother. I am not cleaning anything. I can perfectly find my things which means everything is in place.” Toni moaned as Steve gave back the most unimpressed look. The three of them had become better friends than he had ever thought them becoming. But after seeing the same mess her apartment was for almost a week, he had decided to intervene.

“Toni, this is a pig sty! Even Bucky’s side is cleaner than this place”

“Hey!” Bucky shot up defensively.

“Shut up and tell her to clean the place, it’s absolutely filthy.” Steve glared a little at his friend.

“I don’t know, Steve. It looks okay to me.” Bucky lazily said, as surveyed Toni’s small apartment.

“Honestly, Steve. Bucky is turning into my favourite more and more.” Toni huffed out, folding her arms against her chest.

“You mean I wasn't your favourite before?” Bucky pouted and wobbled his lips with a dramatic flourish.

“That is it. I am leaving and I won’t be back till you clean this place, Toni or I will do it for you.”

Steve finally gave up, arms up in defeat as he shrugged on his jacket and walked out of the door.

“That’s what I was counting on for.” Tony shouted at the retreating back and Bucky dissolved into giggles.

* * *

 

“Don’t be such a debbie downer, Steve.” Toni pouted and then pulled the diner menu off the table. She perused the menu shortly and then slammed it down emphatically. “C’mon! Hot cakes and coffee is on me. And ham too, if you arrange my physic periodicals alphabetically.” She cheekily added.

Steve continued to stare defiantly as he folded his arm and leaned back against the diner booth. He had only sat down in his seat when Bucky and Toni had barged in loudly, yelling for Steve much to the dismay of the other patrons who had thrown dirty glares at the pair.

“C’mon, Steeeeve. I will even throw in the Adam and Eve on raft* if you fold my unmentionables* all nice and tight.” Tony added with a wink and a sultry pout but it was more humorous and exaggerated than seductive; Bucky raised a questioning eyebrow.

Steve blushed red quickly at Toni’s words and simply blurted out, “You know, a lady should not

speak so crassly.”                             

Silence filled the pause between them. Finally, Toni leaned forward slightly and picked the menu back. “Well, isn’t that spiffy because I don’t fucking remember telling anyone I ever was a bloody fucking lady then, right Sweetie?”

Steve heard a bunch of girls gasp behind them in horror and a few close by patrons shot a scathing glare towards Toni; even Bucky looked shocked but soon he was trying to stifle his laughter.

Unconcerned, Toni then waved for a waitress and ordered hotcakes, eggs, sausages and toast alongside coffee for them all.

When their breakfast arrived, Toni stole Steve’s eggs and Bucky’s sausages and called it retribution.

* * *

 

Glossary:

 **Big Cheese** : The most important or influential man

 **Adam and eve on raft** : sausage and eggs on toast (Diner slang)

 **Unmentionables** : Undergarments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	4. I don't know enough about you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: I don't know enough about you by Peggy lee

Toni lived in a poor neighbourhood much as their own but her dingy apartment was on the 3rd floor that looked over the street instead of being on the 2nd like their own. Tony always yelled and wolf whistled unnecessarily from the window when she saw Steve down the streets; mostly it was when he came to visit her.

Being mainly unemployed or employed seasonally as the newspapers’ requirements, Steve had a lot of time to visit her at her home but mostly it was at her job at the electronics store. And he made it a mission to visit here there as often as possible too because of all the men that came in to the store to buy nothing and only bother Toni. There was one time someone had spanked her rear when she was stocking the shelves and Toni had almost broken his hand; so, he knew Toni could take care of herself but it still made him very protective of his friend.

“How did you learn to fight like that?” Steve asked in awe, when she had kicked out yet another ‘customer’ for making inappropriate advances on her. Steve hated men like that, those who didn’t respect a dame and treated them like objects.

“I had training, you could say.” She told him vaguely as she blew the stray strand of hair away from her eyes, only to land back over her face. She blew at it again only to fall back on her face. It was almost like watching a kitten go at a ball of yarn. Strangely endearing.

“Here, let me.” Steve volunteered. He picked the stray lock and tucked it behind her ear. “There you go.”

Only when he looked back at her face, he realised how close to close they were which made him jump back immediately as if scorched. Toni was looking at him funnily, head cocked to one side and he desperately tried to urge down the rising blush.

“um..uh you were saying something about training?” Steve tried to pick back the thread of their conversation.

Toni nodded, shaking herself out of her trance.

“I wouldn’t say training exactly but when I lived with my old man in New York City, there was this retired boxer who lived two doors away.” Toni pulled her pony tail front and started playing with it, with a fond smile. “Happy, his name was. Or something that started with an H, but I called him Happy because that was his nickname from his days at the rink.”

“Wait, you lived in New York City?” Steve asked and Toni nodded in affirmation.

“Moved here about 3 years ago. My old man still lives there.” Tony smiled reminiscing. “Well, he isn’t my real father. Jarvis sort of adopted me when I was four years old and he’s been like my real pops since then.”

“He sounds like a nice man.”

“He is. Hey, maybe one day, I will introduce you to him and you can see the city for yourself.” She smiled and asked, “Have you ever been?”

Steve shook his head. He had hardly stepped out of Brooklyn.

“Well, that settles it then! When this wretched war is over, we are hoping on the first bus! You, me and Barnes!” She stated empathically and eyes hopeful. And, Steve felt himself drowning in the sea of warmth that radiated from them.

There was comfortable silence that followed the declaration.

“Back to the story” Toni said loudly as she patted her thighs and conspiringly leaned forward. “I was a bratty kid. You probably can’t tell now since I am such a demure lady now but I was a pain in the buttocks.”

Steve huffed out a laugh, she smiled at him and continued, “No no! I was! If you think I am bad now, you should have seen me when I was a kid.”

“You are not so bad, Toni.” Steve commented and Toni looked at him fondly but didn’t say anything on it.

“I was a weird kid too. I never got along with the other girl who wanted to play tea parties and house. In fact, I didn’t even get along with the boys. I picked fights with the boys, not always on purpose but mostly, I got beaten up.” Toni raised her hand to stop Steve, who had already opened his mouth in protest. “They always let me go easy though since I was a girl. And because my older brother beat them back for me which would make me angrier.”

“You have a brother?” Steve asked and Toni looked uncomfortable.

“We don’t talk anymore. Last I heard, he was joining the war.”

“He is a soldier?”

“Something like that.” She snorted and Steve got the impression that she didn’t want to talk about her estranged brother.

“You going to join the war, Steve?” She suddenly asked and he anxiously awaited the judgment that would follow his answer.

“Of course. It is an honour to serve and fight for what’s right.” Steve humbly said. He waited for the scoff and disbelief that always followed his declaration to join the war. After all, someone as sickly and skinny as him could win no war in people’s mind.

But instead he heard a soft hum of agreement, “I figured you would. Sounds like something you would do. I am sure you are planning to enlist even if you don’t get conscripted? People feel like they dodged a bullet when they don’t get conscripted and then there are people like you.” She laughed.

But, the laugh wasn’t what Steve usually heard from people. It contained no condescendence. Instead, she seemed oddly impressed and proud; instead, she looked like she actually believed Steve could fight in the war.

“You think they will want me?” He asked despite himself.

“I don’t think they will want you.” She said honestly and Steve tried not to be hurt by the words since he had heard the same from many others, including Bucky before. Maybe he had misjudged her reaction earlier. However, no one had said the next thing Toni said. “But I think they will need someone like you.”

Steve couldn’t comprehend what she meant and she didn’t elaborate and they fell into silence.

Toni caught the thread of their previous conversation and began. “When I was a kid, I did have a good friend though. Bruce his name was. His parents moved to India and I never saw him again. Well, I had Virginia too but she was a cousin so I don’t know if that counts. By the time I was 9, skinned knees and bloody elbows was almost a normal thing. Jarvis always scolded me for my behaviour but he couldn’t stop me either.”

Now, Steve just looked disapprovingly at her and Toni smirked back, shrugging.

“Then one day, I got back home and on the couch, there was this man sitting. Jarvis was also there. He was sipping tea and when he saw me- dirty face and hair a mess- he made me clean up before presenting me to the man.”

Steve was listening in rapt attention.

“The man was Happy and Jarvis told me that if I couldn’t stop picking fights and getting beaten all the time, maybe I could learn how to fight right and the boys would give up after a point.”

Steve’s eyebrows shooted up and Toni laughed.

“If anything, the old man was a pragmatist. Well, the fights never stopped really but I got good at them over time and slowly, but surely, we all became friends. Not your conventional friendship but it worked with the boys.” Tony then scrunched and added. “Not so much with the girls. They somehow thought I was a loose woman.”

Steve looked angry at that but Toni just laughed at something she had remembered and continued,

“In fact, I think I was 16 when someone’s father or older brother had come to our house and told my father how they thought I was a shared crop and a shameless harlot and that they should keep me away from their sons.”

Steve hadn’t even finished gasping in horror and saying something unsavoury when Tony added, “And Jarvis slugged him so hard, his nose wouldn’t stop bleeding.” She burst out laughing and Steve couldn’t stop laughing after he pictured it in his head.

When the laughter died, Toni pulled out 2 cigarettes from her pockets and handed one to Steve who shook his head. “I don’t. Asthma.” He explained.

Toni nodded thoughtfully at that and asked concernedly, “Will my smoke bother your asthma?”

“Nah. Bucky sometimes smokes but he does it outside our apartment or by the open window.” Steve said honestly then quickly added.

Toni simply snorted softly, a small smile played on her sealed lips that held an unlit cigarette. She pulled it out and said quietly, “Jarvis never let me smoke in the house either. I miss him. Sometimes, I wonder if leaving was the right choice.”

Steve was about to ask more but she stood up and walked out of the counter area and pulled the store door open. With half her body inside the store, she flipped the “Closed” sign to the front of the glass door and waved a little hand motion to let Steve know that he should follow her.

“C’mon. Smoke break.” She cheekily told him as they stepped out and walked into the next corner, where she lit up her cigarette and took a long drag.

“Look, I know it isn’t the same but I understand the feeling of people’s doubts and limitations placed upon you. No, I won’t go fight a war but I have something to prove too. I am far too selfish for something so grand but you, you are not trying to fight just to prove a point. You want to fight because it’s the right thing, correct? And, that is what makes you special, Steve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” was the final thing she said before she devoted herself to the cigarette.

The next hour or so was spent in silence as she took her time to fix the gramophone that had been brought there and when he left her around evening, he didn’t even think she noticed. Toni was strange that way, she became completely disconnected from the world if she was handed a screwdriver and a broken machine.

Until that day, he thought he had already learned a lot about her already but he realised he didn’t know enough about her and that meant he could only learn more about her. He liked that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	5. Rum and Coca Cola

 “These places…well, you know not many dames come around these places…”

Toni merely raised an eyebrow and Bucky shrugged and raised his arms in surrender.

“Fine. Just don’t pass out or puke on me, okay?”

“You say it like this is my first time visiting such “fine” establishments. I have drunk before.” Toni rolled her eyes. “And men don’t own bars. A woman has an equal right to places as them.”

When they entered into the bar, people at first didn’t pay any attention to them, until they started noticing Toni and then there were cat callings and wolf whistling but they did die when she just shot them all a scathing gaze. Yes, like Bucky had stated, there weren’t many other dames here, a very few handful but none of them looked as beautiful as Toni in her simple cotton dress and canvas shoes. The dress hugged her natural waist and was buttoned down at the front but it was nothing fancy. She was also wearing stockings but Toni had told them it was just painted on* with a conspiring wink.

But, by the time they had found a table, people weren’t staring as much as Barnes thought they would and were mostly left in piece except for when a few drunks stumbled forward to ask Toni to dance or some lecherous drunks asked her how much she charged. Of course, either Bucky or Toni would take care of these without even raising their fists; words were enough.

* * *

 

“Why can’t they get that you are not fancy lady*!” Steve shouted angrily, but his voice could still be barely heard in the noise of the busy bar. “It’s like they have never seen a woman before.”

But instead of rant that he expected, he got a bubble of laughter from Toni, “Fancy lady? Really, Steve? What is this? The 1800s?”

“Steve here is a fuddy duddy.*” Barnes too laughed good naturedly.

“A sweet fuddy duddy.” She crooned, scrunching her nose and pinched both his cheeks.

“So, what are you two having?” Bucky asked as he stood up to head to the bar.

“A root beer is fine for me.” Steve said and Toni shook her head disapprovingly. “He will have a

Manhattan. I am getting Stevie drunk tonight! And, rum and cola for me please.” Toni gave her most charming smile, inclusive of a flirty wink and Bucky rolled his eyes, not exactly unaffected but still with a nod, he walked away.

* * *

 

“I don’t think that has any alcohol in it.” Toni commented as she eyed the bottle of root beer in

Bucky’s hand. Bucky shrugged.

“I know Steve and how well he _cannot_ handle alcohol. And, I don’t know you around one so…” He leaned forward and handed her the glass that the waiter had left for them. “I think I will play safe here just to take care of you.”

“You planning to save me from the big bad puddles and gutters of Brooklyn?” Toni leaned forward slightly and took the drink away from his hand. She took a small sip over the top and licked her lips.

“Hm…I don’t know if that’s a smart move.”

Steve looked at them flirting from across the table, and he felt invisible. He picked up the drink Toni had ordered for him and stared at it dubiously. He never drank. He had once when Bucky had made him try whiskey but he hated the awful taste of it. Yet, he couldn’t refuse Toni. He absentmindedly chugged it down, feeling imperceptible. It felt like drinking alone as he saw his friends flirt between themselves but then he felt someone thump his back with quite some force...

“Atta boy, Steve!” It was Toni and she was looking at him with an openly happy expression-but so different from the looks she had been giving Bucky. Steve didn’t know how he felt about that.

He had promised himself he wouldn’t get jealous of Bucky. And he had succeeded not to do that his entire life but now…

Toni was yelling encouragingly as he chugged down the rest of the drink. He didn’t even notice the burn of the of the drink, only the feeling of Toni’s arm in the crook of his arm as she laughed, her head thrown back in an elegant arch that he wanted to immediately draw.

In the moment of liquid courage, he asked, “Toni, can I draw you?”

“I mean I know that sounds probably weird. I am not that good anyways, I mostly do stuff for newspaper and I just thought you looked bea-” He was rambling fearing for rejection but Toni cut him short and he was never more glad to be cut short because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear her response to any of his confessions.

“I would love to and be deeply honoured, Steve.” She said and Steve could tell that it was as sincere as the smile she had on.

“Maybe I could draw you too, Toni.” Bucky supplied flirtatiously but Toni paid him no mind and Steve shot him a short glance because Bucky could not draw to save his life, nor had he the patience to learn when he had practically begged Steve to make him into Da Vinci overnight.

Steve turned to Toni and saw her sincere smile being replaced by her signature smirk.

“You know I had a friend named Jack who drew women. Well, mostly French prostitutes because they were more than willing to get naked...” She then turned to fully face Steve and angled her neatly plucked eyebrows. “You wouldn’t want to draw me like one of ‘em French girls would you? Because I can do that.”

In the table, Bucky spat out his drink looking back and forth between the smirking Toni and spluttering Steve, who was looking redder by the second.

“No no no!” Steve vehemently denied, almost chocking on his own tongue. “Clothes, please and you can even wear Bucky’s raincoat.”

“You are missing out on an opportunity to see a real ‘live dame naked, Steve.” Bucky sing-songed teasingly but still looking at Toni with awe and wide eyes.

Steve looked haggardly at Toni because surely she was joking but she was peering over her glass as she tossed it down. He looked at her pleadingly and saw her playfully roll her eyes.

“I respect your decision, Steve. Not agree but respect.” She said and then no further arguments were made, even though he could swear he heard Bucky calling him an idiot over and over again.

* * *

 

Like Bucky had claimed, Steve couldn’t handle his liquor and was smiling goofily at Toni the whole time, much to his annoyance. But to his surprise, Toni could. However, after the 6th one even she was blabbering nonsensical things about Howard Stark. Bucky could swear that every dame in the country had a thing for the guy!

When they finally left the bar, it was around 8 and he was going to drop Toni off at her place before dragging Steve’s ass back to their own.

Toni had stopped muttering about Howard Stark and now was shamelessly flirting with Steve, who looked blissfully unaware as he pushed her hair back and held onto her hand. Bucky had to give it to him; this was probably the furthest he had ever spent with a girl and the girl being Toni made it ten times more impressive. But it also made him feel funny. It wasn’t jealousy, he told himself a couple of times but anytime Steve touched her or Toni whispered something in his ears, he just felt irrationally annoyed. And he couldn’t understand what was exactly happening. He wasn’t being a bad friend but he knew Steve had nothing going on for him; he was skinny, sickly and clearly a head shorter. Also, he looked like a wind could knock him over if it blew mildly enough. So, why Toni was dragging Steve to look at the movie poster with their hands interlocked together instead of him?

But he went with it, thinking it was the alcohol and stood behind them as Toni tugged at Steve’s sleeves and pointed at the _Lassie come home_ * movie poster.

“I want one!” She empathically yelled a little too loudly, garnering a dirty glare from anyone nearby. She was pointing at the dog in the poster and Bucky rolled his eyes in amusement before tugging at her arm.

“No, Toni. You can’t have the dog.” Bucky told her and felt like he was dealing with a child.

“But I want one!” She pouted sulkily but before Bucky could say anything, Steve tore the poster off the wall and carefully folded it before putting it inside his pockets. “I will get you one, Toni.”

Toni gave out a squeal of joy and hugged Steve around the neck and squealed once more into his neck. “You are such a sweetie!”

And seriously, Bucky was way out of his depth here.

* * *

Glossary:

… **paint their legs/painted stockings** : During the wars, fabrics such as silk, nylons became scarce so stockings were hard to find. Women would paint their legs a slightly darker tone and use black liquid eyeliner to draw the usual seam up the back of the leg to give the appearance, from far away, of wearing stockings.

 **Fancy lady** : A prostitute (I was watching Supernatural and there was this Victorian era ghost and she called herself a fancy lady and I somehow really wanted to use that word. So, it’s an archaic word for someone in the 1940s!)

 **Fuddy Duddy** : An old fashioned person

 **Lassie come home** was a 1943 movie about a dog that gets sold into a rich family by its poor owners but Lassie(that’s the name of the dog) goes on a journey to return back to her original owners in the farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the repost is nigh!  
> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	6. Something Stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is an early "update" as I am afraid I will be MIA tomorrow/day after :)  
> 

Toni may handle alcohol well but not hangovers, Bucky realized. She was cranky, annoyed, demanding…well, that didn't sound too different from her normal days but she held her head in her hands as she groaned every time he even spoke a syllabus. Steve was still sleeping it off.

They were in Toni's tiny apartment because she refused to be parted with Steve. The sleeping arrangements had been tough because all Toni had there was a tiny cot for a bed. She had somehow convinced them both to take the bed while she slept on the couch, with an afghan thrown over.

Bucky made eggs and toast from what he found in the kitchen cabinets since Steve still had to squint through the sunlight streaming in the room. Toni made everyone some nice, steaming cups of coffee from an expensive looking package that she claimed was a gift from a distant relative.

But why a distant relative would send her something expensive was beyond him. Toni was a puzzle to him and it fascinated him.

"Sure, you didn't just steal it?" Bucky joked and she ignored him, favoring the murky liquid instead.

Toni had already gone to the hallway to use the communal telephone to phone her employer that she wouldn't be coming and since she was the only employee there, that meant the shop was closed.

Bucky left for work soon after because he now had a job as a soda jerker but that was on the condition he wouldn't even miss a day. He doubted Mr. Patterson meant that but he didn't want to find out.

* * *

Steve watched Bucky's back disappear and realizing he was all alone with Toni, panicked. Steve mumbled his goodbyes too and refused to believe that the strange look on Toni's face was disappointment.

Steve stumbled down the stairs and halfway met Bucky who looked at him confused.

"What are you doing here, Steve?"

"I am late for my job." He told the same chant he had mumbled at Toni.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "You don't have a job. Well, not one that you need to get to early in the morning, anyways."

"I...I just." Steve had nothing to say to that.

"What’s wrong, Steve? You can tell me anything. I’m your mate." Bucky angled himself so they were now standing facing each other, Steve was leaning against the railing while Bucky had his back against the wall.

"It's...Its-Its Toni." Steve finally blurted out and Bucky said nothing as he waited the other to continue or elaborate but when Steve did nothing of that sort, he sighed and asked. "What about Toni?"

"I- Uhh-" Steve breathed harshly and chuckled humorlessly. "She is too much." That was not exactly what he wanted to say but he didn't change it.

Bucky looked at his suspiciously. "Well, she can be overwhelming sometimes but you know she's not bad at all."

"No, she. Yes, she can but that's not what I meant. It's just that I always-" Steve didn't know how to phrase it, so he merely looked down and gestured at himself. "Look at me."

"I am looking..." Bucky said as he unfolded his arms against his chest. "What is this really about, Steve?"

"I told her I loved her." Steve whispered but Bucky heard him loud and clear.

"What?!"

"I told her I loved her." He said it a little louder and Bucky rolled his eyes.

"I got it the first time, pal. What did she say?"

"She said she knew."

"What?"

"Okay, are you just expressing your shock or did you not hear what I said." Steve asked exasperated.

"Really, Steve?" Bucky glared and Steve shrugged. A little tension relieved itself from his body.

"I said I loved her and she told me she knew." Steve repeated.

"Then what happened?"

"I don't remember. Last night was a big blur."

Bucky rolled his eyes and smacked Steve on the head.

"Hey! What was that?" Steve asked affronted.

"Really? When you tell a dame something stupid like that, you at least remember the conversation." Bucky said, shaking his head.

"I... I don't know, Bucky. I was stupid and I was drunk and she was looking so beautiful in the moonlight and she has always been so wonderful and it…it...it just came out!" Steve slowly sat down on the steps. "She probably thinks I am a chump*"

Bucky sat down beside his friend and patted him on the shoulder, "I am sure she doesn't."

"And why wouldn't she? Look at me, Bucks. I am nothing. I am not you, Bucky."

"Steve-"

"No, Bucks. Let's be honest. Women don't line up to dance with a bloke like me. And Toni… Toni is not a dame, she is so much more and she deserves so much more than me. She deserves someone better. Someone like you, Bucks. She deserves you."

"You are not making any sense, Steve. C'mon get up and hell with my job! We are going back and I will make you some soup, okay?"

"I have seen the way you look at her, you know?" Steve said from under Bucky's arm and Bucky refused to look down. "When she is looking, you give her the same look you give all your other dames but when you know she isn't looking, you have a different look on your face. Its tender and soft and nothing I have ever seen before Toni."

"Steve…"Bucky softly warned because he didn't want to discuss his feeling for Toni or anyone.

They were talking about Steve, why couldn't they talk about him again.

"Toni likes you too, you know?" Steve continued and Bucky tried but failed to be unresponsive.

"She pretends to be annoyed by you but she likes to tease you and flirt with you."

And Bucky knew she liked him, and they did flirt a lot but it was different to the way she interacted with Steve. Bucky bit his tongue and said nothing of all the times Steve and Toni just looked at each other and they forgot about the world around them or how Toni always smiled at whatever Steve said and always tried to make him smile back. Maybe in another reality, they might have been something but this Toni only ever had eyes for Steve, as surprising as it was for all of them. He didn't say any of it out loud though.

Maybe he was feeling a little jealous and selfish, so he decided to keep those facts to himself. Sometimes, when he was not feeling his best, he would try to reason that it was him to saw Toni first but the reasonable part of him would overtake him and say that Toni is not an object to be claimed as first or second. And listening to Steve talk now, he knew his own feelings for Toni weren’t on the same level as Steve, who had already claimed to love her. Bucky only admired and was attracted to her. He could lover her someday.

"So, are you giving up on her then?" Bucky asked.

Steve looked him once and then at his own shoes, shuffling the tattered canvas, "There isn't a fight to fight. She would never go out with a guy like me."

They climbed down the stairs in silence thereafter and when they reached the lobby, Bucky stopped abruptly.

"Why don't you keep walking because I think I forgot my handkerchief at Toni's. I will go get it." He told Steve and then turned back and started climbing the stairs, three steps at a time.

"Okay" Steve said resignedly and started trudging towards outside, squinting once he reached the bright morning streets if Brooklyn.

* * *

Bucky knocked on the door twice and he heard shuffling and loud cursing, "Jesus! Can't people knock more softly?!"

"What?!" She angrily opened the door but then her face softened, her angry glare smoothening.

"Hey, Barnes, you forget something?"

"Umm…No. I was wondering if you wanted to go to see that movie with me tomorrow. The one you wanted to see last night?" He spoke and then added. "Steve will be coming."

He tried not to squish the jealousy and the guilt that followed at just the brightness that appeared on her face at the mention of Steve's name. Steve really had no idea what he was giving up on.

* * *

Bucky caught up with Steve by the next block and threw an arm over the other's shoulder.

"You look happy." Steve slowly asked suspiciously and Bucky tried to pull his lips down but couldn't so he just grinned more fully.

"Uh...It's nothing. Just remembered a joke that's all."

* * *

 

Glossary:

 **Chump** : Looser


	7. Strangers in the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I promised a chapter a day and it’s been almost a week? The reason why this took so long is because I was having massive issues with my passport and it made me too frustrated to even function.   
> If you don’t read through the repost, you will be glad to know, I would like to announce that the **NEW CHAPTER** WILL BE POSTED ON FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER (time is tricky with all the time zones plus my own schedule so, around Friday morning/night/Saturday morning?)

Steve was curled up in bed under the ratty blankets. Bucky told him he looked like he was mourning but he didn’t care. Afterwards, Bucky had told him he was going to the movies and he hadn’t even bothered asking with whom. With a dame, undoubtedly. The thought made him groan because it made him think of Toni.

“Toniiii.” He groaned into the pillow and threw the blanket over his head and cocooned himself. He wondered if Bucky would ever take Toni out. He had given his permission but he knew Bucky didn't really need his approval on the matter. It hurt a lot to think of them together but it was for the best. They would be good for each other. Toni deserved someone who didn't have to wheeze their way to the finish line.

Steve must have fallen asleep because when he woke up, faint yellow lights from the street lamps were peeping in through the window and Steve could tell before glancing at the table clock that is was late in the evening.

His bed creaked as he got up. He went into the small kitchen to see if they had anything to make up for dinner. After going through most of the empty cabinets, he found and settled on some porridge and pieces of rationed ham.

He was halfway through heating when he heard the scuffling of keys and twisting of the door knob. He knew it wasn’t Bucky because strange as it may sound, he could recognise the shuffling foot pattern of his best friend. But if not Bucky, there weren’t many other options as to who would have a key plus come in unannounced. Unless it was a thief but Steve knew no thief that came in with a key and when there was still lights on; unless he was going to be acquainted with one now.

Steve thought he heard his name but just as a precaution he treaded into the living room with some sort of offense material in his hand.

“Steve, why are you holding a pan like that?” Toni was standing looking at his him strangely.

Steve let out an inhuman squawk and just gaped at her.

She looked beautiful as she always did but maybe it was the fact that he would never have or maybe it was just the blue sweater tucked under the brown skirt and belted over her natural waist that made her feminine form more eminent. He took a deep breath and turned around. He did so under the guise of returning the blackened pan to its original area. Steve didn’t plan to come out of the kitchen. And, perhaps Toni read that on him because she said, “Steve, walk with me?”

He looked at her puzzled but she only picked up his jacket from the couch where it was lying and opened the front door. She stood there, under the door frame patiently waiting for him.

Steve reluctantly put on the offered jacket and once he was sure he turned off all the lights-twice, he walked alongside Toni, down the stairs and into the cool breeze of the night.

Steve didn’t know what was happening or what he was supposed to say. Toni was merely walking beside him, humming a familiar tune-one he couldn’t pinpoint.

They rounded off the block in silence and by the time. Toni had led them to the small park. Toni still hadn’t spoken though, but she had stopped humming. It was a surprise when the first thing out of Toni’s mouth was, “Steve, you are an idiot.”

Before Steve could reply or respond in any manner, Toni grabbed his face and pulled it up for a kiss. He was shorter than Toni-by only an inch or two-but he had to raise himself a little on his tip toes. It was a brief kiss- just smashing of two lips but for Steve was like fire burned through his veins. His eyes were wide and some part of his functioning brain noticed Toni’s eyes were open too, watching his reaction. The same functional part of his mind also noted the dots of freckles on her nose and her cheek.

Though it felt like eternity, the kiss was merely 3 seconds. Tony had let go and was watching him.

Steve was still on his tiptoes and it took time for his functional part of the brain to catch up with him.

“Toni…”was the word whispered and really he had nothing to say. Or he had a million things to say and he had no idea how to say them all but all of them had one word in common and it was Toni.

Unlike himself, Toni looked calm or maybe she wasn't calm either because she looked flushed.

“But Bucky-”Steve again started, trying to force at least one though out front.

“Bucky thinks you are an idiot too, by the way.” Toni told him and Steve looked back in confusion.

“Bucky?” Steve asked confusedly.

“Yes, Bucky and I talked about how much of an idiot you were and then we watched a movie.” Toni explained. Steve played those words over and over in his mind. Bucky and Toni. Bucky and Toni had been on a date. He had told Bucky to date Toni. Looks like Bucky took his advice.

Didn't take him that long, did it? So, is that what this was? A pity kiss? A pity kiss for poor Steve because Toni found someone bigger and better? He almost wanted to cry but he didn’t want to show that this affected him. No, he wanted to be happy for his friends even though they were cruel to do this. Bucky had no doubt told Toni what a chump Steve was and now, Toni saw the pathetic boy too and this kiss was nothing but a last token what he couldn't have.

He wouldn't cry, he told himself but when he felt the prickle of tears he turned away from Toni and started to walk away.

“Steve?” Toni was calling him but he just kept walking. He couldn't do this now. He could in a day or a week but now, he couldn't face her sweet face and have his heart broken all over again.

Toni had run after him and she was beside him but he refused to look at her. “Really, Steve? I kiss you and you just turn around and walk away?”

“I don’t need any pity, Toni. All my life, all I have ever gotten is pity. I don’t want pity and I don’t need pity. Especially not from you, Toni.” His voice got steelier with each word.

“Is that what you think this is?” Tony incredulously asked. “Pity? Bucky was right, you are an idiot.”

And that hurt Steve more than he ever thought it could. He gave her a sarcastic smile. “Well, I hope you had fun talking about me with him then.”

Toni tried to reach out to him but he brushed her arm away. “Don’t Toni. I like you. I really do but I don’t know if I can still act the same knowing you and Bucky…” He shook his head. “I am happy for you guys. I just need time.” He then looked at her and added softly. “Believe me I am happy for you two.”

Steve turned around and started to walk away only to be pulled back by his arm and twist around to face a furious looking Toni.

“Now, you listen to me and listen to me good, Rogers!” Toni stabbed a finger to his chest and he winced. “If I have to spell this out to you, I will but here is the honest to god truth. You are an idiot!” She shouted down at his face and he winced once more. “But I also happen to be in love with that idiot and I don’t know why or how but that idiot thinks he is not good enough for me and I don’t know what made me so special that an idiot makes a decision like that for me!” She was glaring at him and still shouting at him, from the way her lips were still moving but honestly, he hadn’t heard a word since she told him that she…loved him?

“What?” He whispered his throat dry.

“You are an idiot!” She simply whispered and kissed him.

The kiss wasn’t like the previous one; wasn’t just a forceful smashing of lips. Toni’s lips were pressed over his gently this time, and slowly moved over his. She pulled at his lower lips with hers and instinctively he opened his mouth. It was just lips over lips, simple motions of pull and tug.

This time he found himself closing his eyes and he knew Toni’s were closed as well. His arms, that were lying by his side limply, found her waist and circled them while pulling her closer. He felt her lips tug upwards in a smile and he smiled back-feeling a smile was different that seeing one. But like all of Toni’s smile, this one made him warm with happiness.

Finally, they pulled apart for breath, but they remained in the embrace, their eyes were closed and their foreheads touching; neither said a word.

Steve finally opened his eyes and found Toni was smiling down at him. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything, a sharp bark interrupted them. Steve shook his head and once again opened his mouth only to be interrupted again.

Toni giggled and got out their embrace but still held onto his hand. She followed the direction of the barks and it led her to an empty park bench. Another bark cut through the silence of the night.

Steve wriggled out of the grip and bent down. He squinted through the darkness but finally made a blurry shape. Steve clicked his tongue at the blurry mass of fur.

“Come here, boy!” He extended his arm under the bench and snapped his finger. A wet tongue licked it and Steve immediately retreated it back. He looked a little shocked but then he giggled a little.

“What’s wrong?” Toni asked concerned but Steve shook his head smiling. He was focused on getting the dog from under the bench.

He aligned his head to the ground, and clicked his tongue. This time, the dog came closer and licked his nose. Steve huffed a laugh and got up. Furry paws first revealed itself and then the whole body. It was an American collie. It had no collar on from what Steve could see and Steve couldn’t tell in the dark but it looked a bit like…

“You know when you said, you were going to get me a dog, I didn’t really imagine you finding one that looked exactly alike under the bench like this.” Toni teased and Steve saw her kneeling down as she scratched behind the dog’s ear.

“I...” Steve blushed and bent down to run a hand through the dog’s fur. “Do you want to name it?”

“I think I will name it after you.” Toni smirked at him and he raised an eyebrow.

“Steve Jr?” he teased.

“No. I think I will call him Dummy...” Toni smirked and Steve looked mock insulted.

Toni then leaned and crooned facing the collie, “Maybe I will call you butterfingers!”

“Butterfingers? What does that mean?” Steve asked curiously.

“I don’t know…but I like it!”

_Bucky was waiting in the corner by the cinema. He watched the dames pass by in their pretty skirts with their pretty face. Steve had called him doll dizzy* more than a few times. Sometimes it was affectionate and sometimes it was in an exasperated huff. Yet, none of these dames had ever made him feel the way Toni did. Toni was nothing like anyone he had ever met or ever dreamed about. In fact, before Toni came along, his dream girl was miles away from Toni or maybe his idea of his dream girl was miles away from the truth. Toni was everything he never knew he wanted and needed and yet somehow, he couldn’t have._

_“Hey, Barnes! Where is Steve?” Toni’s voice jarred him from his thoughts. He hadn’t even seen her come. She looked beautiful; she had clearly dressed up for this. Maybe she had dressed for_

_Steve but he took little pleasure in it anyway._

_“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that” Bucky breathed out, he needed to do this because he wasn’t a nice guy. Not like Steve._

_“He is not coming, is he?” Toni looked him in the eye. She folded her arms against her chest, face hardening._

_“I like you, Toni. I like you a lot.” Bucky blurted out._

_“Bucky, I don’t think-” Her face softened little._

_“No, listen to me. I like you but Steve loves you. I like you because you are a pretty dame but Steve never cared for what was on the outside, he loves you for you”_

_Toni watched his face and Bucky couldn't tell what she was thinking. She didn’t say anything so he added, “But he doesn't think he deserves you”_

_“Well, that’s bullshit.”_

_“He is sorta an idiot.” Bucky joked and she huffed a laugh._

_“That he is.” Toni smiled, and this was the fond smile that was on her face when she talked to Steve or talked about him. He couldn't compete with that. Never in his life, had a dame chosen Steve over him, never had anyone even glanced at the thin, sickly blonde boy when Bucky was standing there. But Toni had. Toni had picked Steve over him over and over again and maybe she would continue to do so. Maybe that is what Steve needed and maybe, one day he would glance back and think about that moment he was head over heels about a dame who was clearly head over heels about his best pal._

_“Bucky? Barnes?” Toni was calling his name and he looked at her goofily until he realised what was happening._

_“Um.uh..I guess, I will be going then.” Bucky sighed as he tried to turn away._

_“You going away after asking me for a movie? You want me to watch it alone?” Toni pouted._

_And Bucky huffed out a reluctant laugh._

_“But it won’t be more than a movie though.” Bucky asked, knowing the answer but he smiled, albeit a little sadly._

_“No, it won’t. But you are still my friend, Bucky.” Toni smiled sincerely at him. ”And I don’t want to lose that.”_

_And, this was Toni and he could never say no to her._

* * *

Glossary:

Doll dizzy: Girl crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on[Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) & [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	8. There's a Star Spangled Banner Waving Somewhere

“Steve, I am telling you for the last time, you shouldn't be doing this.” Bucky looked his friend straight in the eye and told him.

“Bucky, you know we talked about this a long ago. You were joining the army and so was I.” Steve replied, exasperated.

“Steve, that was before. Now, you have Toni, Steve.” Bucky added awkwardly, looking away. “You can have a family. Be happy here, not be fighting a war where you can most likely die any minute. Have kids, grand kids. Hell! You already have a dog.” Bucky gave him a weak smile.

Ever since Steve and Toni had gotten together, things had been relatively awkward between the two friends. Neither would say it but the flow and pace of their conversations or interaction had been off. In fact, the only conversations they had had over the days were about the rent and ration. They were ignoring the white elephant in the room. But Steve thought Bucky was acting even stranger the past few days.

In fact, this was the longest conversation they had had in days. So, what if it was about the war?

The posters asking men to enlist were everywhere and alongside, young men, old men, any men capable of fighting were being drafted. They needed men in this war and they needed them fast.

“We are supposed to join the army together and win the war, Bucks.” Steve slowly edged towards his friend.

Bucky looked at his hands and sighed deeply. “We were but we are not now.” He stood up from the chair and headed towards the window. He turned around to look at his tiny friend, his entire demeanor changed. “Look, this war isn't for someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Steve repeated, the words hollow.

“You know what I am talking about, Steve.” Bucky sneered. “You can’t fight. You can probably hardly lift the gun! So, leave this…this war to those who can, okay?”

Steve’s face turned from surprise to hurt to anger and then something strange. “Bucky, did you enlist?”

“And what if I did?” Bucky arrogantly.

“We were supposed to-”

“Well, fuck you. You can’t have everything you want, Steve!” Bucky shouted back. Steve looked shocked then his face turned cold. He turned around and walked out of the room. Bucky heard the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut. Bucky winced.

Bucky walked towards his bed and bent over to pull the small metal box from underneath. He opened it and pulled out the short typed letter on top. He stared it, re-reading the words over and over again. He didn’t know how many times he had read it but he read it to the point his eyes got blurry and he couldn't through it another time. He put the letter back in its envelope and inside the box. In a sudden fit of rage, he kicked the box, its contents flying everywhere.

Watching the mess, he sobbed. He curled in his bed and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

“You got drafted.” Were the first words Bucky heard when he felt himself wake up. His joints felt stiff; he was cold. Then the words registered and he turned around to face the voice. Toni was sitting by the foot of his bed, with a piece of paper in her hand.

“They rejected your plea for conscientious objector status*.” Toni didn’t look up from the piece of paper. “Why didn’t you tell me or Steve?”

Bucky didn’t say a word.

“I am fighting in this war, whether I want it or not, Toni.” He snorted, smiling bitterly. “What does it matter?”

“Why did you say Steve you enlisted then?” Toni spoke softly, as she folded his conscription notice.

“I don’t want him to think I was a coward. I would rather him think I enlisted behind his back than him know I was drafted without any choice in the matter. It’s Steve. Steve with the asthma, the scarlet fever, he has chronic colds, he can’t run a block without panting for breath, he is sick with diseases I can’t even pronounce and yet he wants to fight in the war.”

Bucky looked at her with so much sincerity, it broke her heart. “I don’t want to fight, Toni. Does that make me a coward?”

“No, that makes you smart.” Toni joked but took his hands between hers and rubbed it with a soothing pattern.

“You saying Steve isn't smart?” Bucky teased back, a little distracted by Toni’s hands. They weren't smooth as other dames’. They were a little rough; he could feel callouses and the little ridges of healed flesh. They were so inexplicably Toni that he wanted to tug her hand and pull her closer but he didn’t. She was Steve’s. He tried to remind himself of that but didn’t pull away his hand. They felt warm between her palms.

“No, I am saying he is brave. Braver than you or me. I think he is braver than anyone I have ever met. In my opinion, only 2 people fight in wars, the brave or the foolish.” Toni explained.

“Maybe you should make that 3 kinds-those with no choice.” Bucky bitterly added and this time

Toni drew him closer, and pulled his head down to rest on her shoulder. She continued to rub his hand with her thumb. It was comforting, the pattern and the warmth.

“Those with no choice can choose to be either brave or foolish too.” Toni told him to which he didn’t have anything to say.

“I don’t want to die, Toni.” He choked out finally and he hadn't even realise he was close to tears until Toni rubbed his back. He clutched onto her shirt and cried. “I want to be here taking care of Steve and you. I want take care of you two and grow old with you, maybe have wife and 2 kids. I don’t know. I want to fight no war. ”

“You will not die, Barnes.” Toni told him firmly, running her fingers through his hair, then playfully nudged him with her shoulder. “You are far too stubborn.”

Bucky snorted and lifted his head to give her a wet smile.

“Will you wait for me, Toni?” Bucky asked hoarsely but thinking about how that sounded he quickly added. “You and Steve are the only family so will you be here?”

“We will.” Toni smiled at him and for a moment he just stared. He couldn't help but wonder if

Toni were his; would he be kissing her right now? He really wanted to. He smiled sadly at her and extracted himself from her embrace.

“Wait here.” He told her and walked around the room. The items from his box were scattered; few of his precious possessions. A few trinkets, a few photographs but most importantly there was a ring.

Bucky found it lying against the foot of the chair. It was a thin gold ring with a small, round diamond that was nothing noteworthy. But to him, it was the most valuable thing he owned. And not because of its monetary value; the ring would hardly fetch him much if he was honest. But the ring was his mother’s engagement ring. It was the only piece of his mother he had.

He didn’t even remember her, but this ring made her real.

He turned around, the ring snugly nestled inside his palm. He walked up to her and bent down on his knees. He placed a hand on Toni’s knee and then planted his head down. He surveyed the room once from his new vantage point. Toni was stroking his hair, it made him lazily crawl further onto her lap.

“I don’t expect to make it from the war when I go. I have nightmares of falling into the abyss.” Bucky confessed. He felt the hand in his hair stop stroking but as she wanted him to continue, she resumed to thread her fingers through his hair. “But if I do…”He grabbed the hand in his hair and transferred the ring in there. “promise me you will keep this safe.”

“Bucky-”

“Don’t say it, Toni.” Bucky told her, as he turned his head and looked up. She was looking down at him and with her brown hair framing her face, he could feel her as his angel. “Just this once, don’t say anything, please. I just want you to keep this ring. It was my mother’s engagement ring.

It’s the only thing I have of her. I trust you with this. Keep this ring safe for me and I will be back for this ring.”

Toni didn’t say anything for a long moment and the hand he held was loose but then gripped tight.

“Then James Buchanan Barnes, you better be back for this ring.”

* * *

“Steve?” Bucky called out when he heard the front door open. Toni had gone back to her apartment and she had sworn she would kick Steve back here if she had to. But he had beenwaiting for hours and Steve hadn't come back. But now, he heard the unlocking of the door,

“What? Want to tell me more about how I can’t join the army?” Steve said and Bucky winced. But he had been prepared for this.

“Actually, about that…what do you say we go down the Goldie’s Boxing Gym tomorrow and see if we can throw a few punches” Bucky offered and Steve looked at him in surprise.

“But they already recruited you so why…?”Steve asked confused.

“You think I am going to fight the Nazis without my best friend?” Bucky smirked. Steve looked away and for a moment Bucky thought he had lost the friend he always cherished but then Steve turned around and smiled. Bucky knew not all was forgiven but it was getting better. For both of them.

* * *

**Glossary** :

 **Conscription Notice** : “Conscription”, commonly known as the draft. During wartime, the government has the rights to draft you, which means making you join the military for a set period of time whether you like it or not. It's illegal not to show up when you're drafted.

 **Conscientious Objector Status** : During World War II, men were being involuntarily drafted into the war. Like Bucky, there were many who didn’t wish to join the army (for whatever purpose) so they would apply for conscientious objector status and if accepted, they didn’t have to join the army. These were granted to very few, and most were rejected.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I do not really know nor understand the American military system but I “tried” to do a little research and I hope everything is clear to everyone. If there is anything that you don’t understand, I will be more than happy to explain.
> 
> And just to further clarify, according to my head canon, Bucky never wanted to join the war, instead he was forced to but he doesn't tell Steve so because he doesn't want
> 
> Steve to be disappointed in him. So, he pretends to have enlisted instead.
> 
> And, I am in no way trying to portray Bucky as weak or cowardly. I am just showing how he has no choice in the matter like many men didn't have a choice back then.
> 
> Not everybody wanted to fight.


	9. God Bless the Child

Over the next two weeks, Bucky trained Steve at Goldie's Boxing Gym. They together visited US

Recruiting and Induction Centre in New York City but Steve was classified as 4F and rejected from service.

“Look man, it’s not such a big deal.” Bucky tried to half-heartedly console then as they exited the building. Bucky was relieved they didn’t pick Steve but he also felt for Steve who looked crushed.

He didn’t want his weak friend fighting the war. He wanted what was best and maybe Steve didn’t see it, but the best thing was right here with him in the form of Toni. Bucky was divided in his feeling and he couldn’t help guilty.

“I will try again.” Steve said determinedly, ignoring Bucky’s inner monologue. Bucky sighed.

Steve was stubborn if anything.

* * *

 

“Another 4F?” Bucky asked immediately as Steve stormed inside and threw down the scrap of paper he held in his hand. “How many times is this Steve? 5? C’mon!”

Bucky who was sprawled over on the couch lazily, got up to picked it up and read it out loud,

“You from Paramus now?” He saw Steve twist his face. “You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form.”

Steve pretended not to hear him and shrugged his jacket off.

“And seriously? Jersey?” Bucky scoffed.

Steve didn’t say a word but he noticed the neatly ironed uniform lying on the bed.

“You got your orders?” Steve asked, trying to quell the slight envy at the green uniform.

“The 107th. Shipping out to England first thing tomorrow.” Bucky stated and watched his friend for a reaction.

Steve took a deep breath and shook his head. “I should be going.”

Bucky didn’t want to have this talk and he didn’t want to have it now. So, he slapped on a big smile and hugged his friend. “C’mon man! My last night! Get cleaned up!”

“Why? Where are we going?” Steve looked at him skeptically.

“The future!”

* * *

Fireworks exploded overhead, colouring the sky with myriad of colours; men in suits, ladies in pretty dresses all were gathered to watch the spectacle that was the Stark Expo. It was truly like they had stepped into the future.

“I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York and even with Toni, you will be fighting the ladies with a stick” Bucky was saying as they walked down the steps. He then thoughtfully added. “Now that I think about it, Toni would probably beat them off with a stick.”

Steve huffed but blushed at the same time. They had gotten comfortable talking to each other once more. Steve was happy and relieved that they were once again friends, once again brothers.

Bucky now frequently teased him about Toni and to Bucky’s satisfaction, Steve would always blush cherry red. Bucky, on most days he could handle like he always had, but the situation would be uncontrollable when Toni was around and she would join in. She could be in cahoots with Bucky, like it was their personal mission to see how red they could get him. And between Bucky and Toni, they could get him blubbering in no time. The three of them had caught their thread of friendship and despite the war looming and Bucky’s leaving looming over their heads; they pretended things were okay whenever they could. But it was war and pretending could only get them so far.

“I just want Toni and that’s all.” Steve said sincerely and Bucky hummed in satisfaction.

“Good thing I took care of that then.” Bucky winked at him as they parted through the crowd and saw Toni standing by the water fountains, trying to catch popcorn midair with her mouth. She threw a kernel high up and opened the mouth as her eyes followed the trajectory. 4 out of 5 times, she caught it in her mouth. Steve couldn’t help but smile at her antics.

He didn’t even realise it when he subconsciously adjusted his hair parting and stood a little straighter. But Bucky did. He laughed and teasingly nudged Steve.

Neither of them even noticed that she was not alone until they reached her and Toni stopped in her popcorn show to pull the girl beside her and introduced her.

“Bucky, meet Connie. Connie meet Bucky.” Toni said, waggling her eyebrows at them both. She turned towards Steve and waggled her eyebrows at him. “Well, don’t you look dapper. Did you do something with the hair?”

She started to run her fingers through his hair and Steve blushed. He tried to maintain a straight face but judging from the pursed lips of amusement from Bucky, he appeared to be unsuccessful. He coughed into his hands a couple of times out of embarrassment. “Uhh…”

“You are too adorable, Rogers!” Toni announced and kissed him on the nose.  She grabbed his hand. “C’mon lets go. I haven’t been to these for years!”

Just then, the announcement for Howard Stark’s presentation blared through the speakers and

Connie-the cute brunette with a button nose-led out a loud squeal.

“It’s starting!!!” She screamed and tugged at Bucky’s arm. Steve shrugged and Bucky grinned.

However, for the first time Toni looked reluctant.

“Umm…sure” Toni said and Steve could pick up the hesitance. That was strange but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by asking why.

“Hooray!” Bucky’s date chirped without much as a glance back at Toni as she started to tug at

Bucky’s sleeve with a smile. “C’mon big boy! It’s that way!” Connie started to drag him away but not before Bucky managed to mouth a ‘thank you’ back to Toni. Toni smiled and gave him a big thumbs up.

“She seems nice…”Steve didn’t know what to say so he settled on that.

Toni smiled beside him and looped her arm through Steve’s before following the new couple. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming. I mean Bucky said he would make sure you would, but I wasn’t sure…”

“Because you knew I would get rejected for the 5th time?” Steve didn’t mean to sound so defeated but he did. Toni squeezed his arm in comfort. Toni lowered her head to his shoulder and whispered, “I will be honest, Steve. Part of me wants you to not leave and stay with me but a larger part of me knows how important this is to you and I will be behind you no matter what-no matter how many times they fail to see what they need.” She used her free hand to run through his collar and pat off imaginary dust before resting her head on his shoulder. “Remember, I fell in love with the Steve Rogers who stood up to the bully twice his size and he wasn’t a soldier. He was just a good man.”

Steve took a deep breath. He took in what Toni had said; her admission of her faith and love in him never ceased to overwhelm him and even now he could feel himself swell with unknown feelings. He closed his eyes and laid his head over her and for a moment it was only them. Two beings entwined as one by the thread of destiny. His mind drifted to Bucky’s words. He could have a family here with Toni. He could have kids who would have Toni’s eyes and her tenacious personality. For a moment he dreamed of children with brown eyes and blonde hair and for a moment, he was content.

But then like a shock to the system, he was jarred out of his reverie when the thunderous claps erupted from the audience. Steve opened his eyes and saw the green of Bucky’s uniform before him and Uncle Sam pointing at him from the posters. Flashes of news articles and static radio voices appeared in the forefront of his mind-the news about the brutal war, about soldiers laying down their lives fighting for people like him to live a normal, safer lives and he couldn’t dream of the blonde children with the brown eyes anymore.

He extracted himself from Toni’s arm and with a hastened apology disappeared into the throng of the crowd. He was sure he heard Toni call out to him but the cacophony of sounds from people around him and the boom of the mike drowned any voice that wasn’t Howard Stark.

* * *

Bucky was watching fascinated at the sight before him. The car was hovering in air like…magic and even when it fell, he still couldn’t stop staring in awe at the man before him. The man was a genius no doubt but when he took the failure in jest and laughed along with the audience, Bucky understood what made Howard so appealing to the ladies.

He felt the tugging at his arm where Connie was enthusiastically commenting about the hover car when he heard Tony’s voice. Even in the crowd, it was as distinct as the thud of his own heartbeat in the silence. He swerved his head to find Tony’s back turned to him and Tony alone. Steve wasn’t beside her like he should have been and that thought brought an irrational annoyance for his friend. He had already left her alone even when he didn’t have to.

Bucky turned to politely ask Connie to let go of his arm, who seemed to have not noticed the commotion. She was looking at the stage, with an open mouthed fascination. “Wow, Bucky!

Look Howard Stark is looking here.”

Bucky didn’t make any sense of the words as why would Howard Stark be looking at them but on momentary glance he saw the inventor was indeed looking towards their direction, eyes squinted with faint recognition and confusion. Bucky didn’t dwell on it. Instead, he politely told Connie there might be a situation he had to attend to. Connie didn’t look too happy at the suggestion but asked to come with him nonetheless.

* * *

Bucky left Connie with Toni who went to search for Steve on the other side of the Stark Expo after he suggested him they could cover more ground that way. Connie seemed to have believed him easily but Toni had looked back skeptically but agreed nonetheless. Bucky thought he had an inkling where Steve had disappeared to and he was right.

It took Bucky only a couple minutes to find Steve. Though that could be chalked up to the fact he knew how much of a stubborn idiot Steve could be.

The army recruitment area wasn’t swarming but it had a few soldiers and patrons walking its halls. He noticed Steve’s tiny frame as soon as he had entered the hallway.

“You are really going to do this again?” Bucky commented casually but slightly exasperated.  Steve who hadn’t noticed him turned around suddenly.

“Well, it’s fair. I am gonna try my luck.” Steve answered calmly.

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you or worse, they’ll actually take you.” Bucky couldn’t help but let worry seep in amongst all the righteous anger he felt at his friend.

“I thought we were over this.” Steve looked at him sharply and for someone who was a head shorter the look still served as a little intimidating but Bucky was feeling a little more furious than he let on.

“No, I am not. You tried 5 times already, Steve. Maybe someone somewhere is trying to say something.” Bucky tried once more, this time a little more calmly.

“Look I know you think I can’t do this.”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s war.”

“I know its war.” Steve spluttered. What did Bucky think? That he didn’t realise the different.

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.” Bucky furiously whispered.

“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?” Steve dead panned, clearly resisted rolling his eyes.

“Yes!” Bucky emphasised. “Why not?”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.” Ton anyone else it would have sounded like a whine but they both knew it was just the truth.

“I don’t-“

“Bucky, Bucky. Come on…” Steve stood a little taller and looked his friend in the eye and honestly said. “There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me”

Bucky snorted. “Right, cause you got nothing to prove.”

They continued to look at each other. Neither said anything. Bucky finally sighed as he gave into the intense hopeful look Steve was sprouting. Bucky half turned around but then turned back to face him.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Bucky warned.

“How can I? You are taking all the stupid with you” Steve teased. Bucky finally cracked a smile. “You are a punk.” Bucky said affectionately and hugged his friend. His tiny friend who was so much stronger than he ever could be. He wanted to hold his friend and never let go. But he had to just as he had to let Steve do this for himself.

“Punk.” Steve retorted playfully, unaware of Bucky’s inner dialogue.

“Take care.” Bucky added and turned around to walk away.

“Don’t win the war till I get there.” Steve shouted at the retreating back and Bucky gave him one final grin before disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

Bucky found Connie waiting for him by main pavilion but Toni appeared to be nowhere in sight.

He looked around but couldn’t spot her. Connie on the other hand seemed to be almost jumping in her skin with excitement.

“Bucky, you will not believe this!” Her eyes were round and her cheeks tainted red. “Guess who just came to talk to Toni!?” She almost screamed the question and deciding to play along asked

“Who?”

“HOWARD STARK!”

 


	10. The Gypsy

“C’mon. This is not a joke.” Howard Stark, who stood holding the lapels of his three piece blue pin striped suit, huffed out.

“Yeah, it’s not. But you know what is? That hover car you just modelled.” Toni lazily smirked, observing her nails.

“Toni, I am being serious.” Howard did not look amused.

“And I am being serious too.” She still wasn’t being serious and they both knew it. She smiled cheekily at him and added. “I could tell that your calculations were way off from where I was standing.”

“Yeah, I assumed so.” Howard sighed rubbing his face. “The magnetic propulsion equation did look a bit off”.

“Magnetic propulsion?” Toni scoffed. “Are you kidding?! There is no way that could overcome the-”

“In a converging dual processor, with given input, maybe it can.” Howard interrupted smugly and Toni scowled.

“Do you even have power source to double the **_e_** values?” Toni asked, rolling her eyes as she waited smugly for the negative answer. Howard opened his mouth only to be interrupted by the loud fireworks going out in the sky, colouring the dark sky in multitude of hues. As if a switch had been pulled, He blinked several times before getting his bearing. “I know what you are doing and stop it!”

“Uh...trying to point out all the flaws in your invention?” Toni tried playing it off nonchalantly.

“I know you are trying to change topics. Enough. Come home.” Howard sternly added, his demeanor from before changing into something more firm.

Toni clenched her jaw but said nothing at first but instead gave a short smile, “Really Howie, it was fun talking to you. But I think I will be going now.”

She turned around with a small wave of her hands but Howard caught her wrist.

“Toni..” He tried a softer voice, a placating voice. He still couldn’t make her turn around so he stepped in front of her. “Please come back home.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have come here today.” Toni mumbled, watching the diminishing glow of the fireworks. Slowly, it fizzled out and the sky was dark and lonely once more.

“You did because deep down, you love me.” Howard joked.

Toni snorted. “Right.”

“I had flat foots* looking for you everywhere in the city. And you were here, in Brooklyn.” Howard added offhandedly.

“And I like it here.” Toni, too offhandedly insisted.

“Why won’t you come back?” Howard tried again; this time earnestly.

Toni snorted once more; she wondered if she could be considered an honorary pig at this rate.

“Seriously? Are you actually wondering why I left that danged mockery of a house? Because if you are then I don’t think I want to talk to you right now.” Toni’s voice was incredulous, angry and a little bit hurt.

“We never talk anymore, Toni.” Howard softly said, his voice resigned. A sad smile bloomed on his face. “Remember when we were kids, you could hardly shut up and now you don’t even-”

“And whose fault is that?!”Toni shot back immediately not letting Howard guilt her onto anything. “You grew up and I was no more than dirt to you. Then you the military recruited you and you may as well have been the golden child to father-”

“That’s not true!” Howard immediately protested.

“Why the whole act of actually caring for me and looking for me when you very well know it wouldn’t make a difference?” Toni yelled back. “I have nothing to say to you!”

“Toni, okay. I am sorry for what I did wrong. I don’t know what it was but I am sorry. Let’s forget everything. A clean slate-” Howard attempted to placate the furious woman standing before him.

“You can’t be serious.” She looked at him disbelievingly.

“I think you are overreacting.”

“You know what? I am the one who got disowned because I happened to born female and didn’t want to marry some sleazebag and you think I am overreacting?!” Toni vehemently shouted and turned around once more but Howard caught her arm and twisted her around forcefully.

“Let.me.go.” She gritted her teeth.

“Disowned?” Howard slowly asked ignoring the thrashing body he was holding on to. “Father… never said anything about that….About disowning.”

“Right, so you want me to believe you had no idea what was happening the past THREE years?” Toni scoffed and Howard looked miserable.

“Father said you were just being rebellious and you would come around-”

“WELL, THAT MAN GO SUCK HIS OWN COCK!” Toni shouted and even in the empty space where they stood, behind the tent, her voice carried miles. It burned with her anger, her voice, and her eyes.

Howard was taken aback and taking the opportunity, Toni shoved him off and walked off and disappeared into the crowd.

And, no one noticed Bucky slink away from the shadows and go after Toni in shock.

* * *

 

Bucky thought he had been stealthily following Toni and he was doing a good job at it since she hadn’t even turned back once; he was wrong. He followed her till a dark alley but when he had turned the corner, she was nowhere to be found. He was scared out of his wits when he felt someone shove him against the wall.

“So, now that you have followed me all the way here what do you want?” Toni’s voice was monotonous, making Bucky wince.

“I was just-”Bucky tried to turn around to face her but Toni pushed him back against the wall.

“You know what? Forget it” Toni sighed. She eased up on his back and with the pressure gone,

Bucky turned around, facing her. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough?” Bucky shrugged. He tried to be casual about it but Toni snorted at his attempt at nonchalance.

“Okay, so I am a little confused and a little more curious but I don’t think this is the right time…” Bucky honestly and hurriedly said. Toni rubbed her face distressfully in response.

“You are leaving in less than 7 hours. Spit out whatever chinwag you want to know.” Toni folded her arms and leaned against the wall. Bucky copied her stance and faced her.

“So…Howard Stark?” Bucky didn’t even know where to begin.

Toni snorted in brief amusement. “What about my brother?”

“Your brother?!” Bucky spluttered, face scrunched up disbelievingly.

“Yes…”Toni slowly began, looking at him curiously, amusement back on her face. “What did you think we were?”

“Not siblings for one.” He muttered under his breath but outwardly shrugged and in an audible voice said, “Never mind.”

“No no no. Go on...What did you think?” Toni was fully smirking now, enjoying the look of embarrassment on Bucky’s face.

“This is embarrassing, Toni. I don’t want to know anything!” Bucky pouted, folding his arms defensively.

“Alright alright.” Tony conceded and her smile slowly vanished into a grim line. “I may have lied a little to you and Steve and everyone here, basically.”

“I will hear everything you have to say before I say anything, Toni.” Bucky said, trying to smile at her but from the heartbreaking smile she gave him, he just couldn’t.

“I told you I was adopted by Jarvis? That he was my father?” Toni asked rhetorically but Bucky nodded nonetheless. “Jarvis was our butler growing up and he may as well have been our father because he took care of me; I saw him around more than my real father. My father, the illustrious

Howard Stark Senior framed him for a petty theft of mother’s old jewelry and fired him all the while he mercifully didn’t report it to the police.”

Toni took a small pause to snort in dry amusement. “That was 10 years ago. I haven’t seen him since then. I heard he was in Manhattan but I couldn’t find him…I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I wasn’t sure if he would want to see me. In my mind, he does and I can be happy living with that thought but what if I walk up to his door and he slams it on my face? What if he is angry at me for ruining his life? What if he hates me? I couldn’t face him. I would rather face the thought of him.”

“I am sure there is no reason for him to hate you.” Bucky interjected but Toni shook her head.

“I know. I know I know. But sometimes it’s safer living with a reality you created inside your head. Living inside your head is safer; sometimes you even forget you have a body. But I did recently write him a letter and he is doing well.” Toni stated calmly turning her head upwards and looking at the dark sky.

Bucky didn’t say anything so she continued. “After Jarvis, there were so many caretakers I even lost count. My mother died giving birth to me, so that part was true. But father more or less ignored me for Howie, I suppose. Howard and I were close as much as two siblings can be. But of course, Howard got to go to the University and then the military happened. All the while, I was prepped like pork. I was supposed to marry one of uncle Stane’s boys.”

At the confused look on Bucky’s face. “Obadiah Stane is father’s friend and business partner. I refused, and father snapped his cap.*”

“I think the fact, I pretty much did it right in front of that lecherous chrome dome* Obadiah was the straw that broke the camel’s back.” Toni laughed a little, remembering the livid colour on everyone’s faces that day. Her father had practically been purple as he continued to shout at her without a spare of breath.

“Ah, to be honest, I the fact I got disowned from the Stark fortune didn’t even sink in till I had no lettuce* as I was wondering the streets of New York. I can moan and groan about what an ass my old man was, but I always had pennies from heaven* growing up. So, it was rough. And the streets aren’t kind to a woman. Of course, I had to slug* in a few teeth before they got the message. I was angry; I was lashing out and bounced around homeless shelters before I met Yinsen who saved me from myself. That’s a long story, maybe when you get back I will tell ya.”

Tony nodded and Bucky didn’t argue because he was sure there was so much Toni was keeping from him and she had every right to.

“But, the end thing is, I finally thought the city wasn’t for me so I moved here. It’s been a quiet existence, far from what I am used to but could have been worse. I was so sure at one point that I would have to become a call girl.” Toni told him so matter of factly that Bucky wasn’t sure if she was joking or not. But, he was sure of one thing and that he wanted to punch the son of a bitch who called himself her father. However, hearing it, he also had to ask, “So, how does your brother fit into all this?”

“My what?”

“Howard Stark? How does he fit into it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you are clearly mad at him and I understand why but the man looked as surprised as I was when you told him some things…so I don’t know…but maybe you should talk to him. Maybe he is telling the truth. Do you think he knew about you being disowned?” Bucky curiously asked.

“I don’t know what to believe. He is the smartest man I know, well after me of course.” She sadly joked. “Three years and not a letter. Three years and no phone calls, Three years and he didn’t wonder what the fuck happened to his sister?!”

“He did say he had dicks* looking for you, right?”

“And he is Howard Stark. I think he would have found me if he had.” Toni argued back immediately.

“But your father is Howard Stark senior…Are you sure he didn’t have anything to do with it?”

Bucky countered.

“Well, he is a slimy old geezer.” Toni shrugged. Bucky had a point, Even if Howard was looking for her, if father didn’t want her to be found, she wouldn’t be found. And if father really had not told the complete truth to him, there were chances; Howard was as clueless as he claimed to be on matters. “Howie will be here for a night more…I could…talk to him…”

“Sounds like a plan! Let’s talk to Howard Stark!” Bucky suggested, grinning and Toni rolled her eyes.

“You Bucky are going back to your date.”

“What?”

“Connie? Remember?”

Bucky sheepishly smiled back and started rubbing the back of his head. “I should be going back.

You will be good on your own?”

“Yeah, yeah, go. Show her a good time.” Toni mimed shooing motion with her hands. Bucky laughed and started to walk away.

“I will see you later, Bucky.” She called out.

“I will miss you, Toni.” Bucky turned around, trading backwards slowly. He added. “You and

Steve…be good. Don’t have a wedding till I get there.”

Toni chuckled, “Scram off, soldier.”

Bucky chuckled back, then his eyes grew serious and he stopped treading.

“Bye, Toni.” He earnestly whispered but in the silence of the night she heard him as if he was shouting the words.

“Bye James.” She replied, tilting her head in acknowledgement. Then he fully turned and walked off.

* * *

“Basically, dad lied and I am idiot for believing him. Jesus Christ! I am an idiot.”Howard blew a lungful of air as he slumped down on the chair. When he didn’t get a response he turned to Toni who had begun to fiddle with a socket. “Toni, I think this is the part where you say, ‘no, you’re not, Howard.’…”

Toni looked up unimpressed. “And why would I do that? You are an idiot.”

Howard chuckled dryly then groaned, stretching in the chair. He looked at her and seriously added. “Come with me.”

Toni spluttered a hysterical laugh. “After everything I told you, you want me to go back there.”

Howard shook his head, a faint smile blooming on his face, “I said come with me, I didn’t say come home. The military could definitely use someone like you. Your intelligence is only second to me, after all.”

“Ha Ha.” Toni deadpanned, rolling her eyes. Her face changed and it turned serious. “Thank you,

Howie but I can’t.”

“Is there a why or is it a…who?” Howards asked perceptively.

Toni tried but failed to hide a small smile. “There might be.”

“I can’t change your mind then?”

“I don’t think even Steve can.” Toni snorted.

“Ah, so there is a name.” Howard said, eyes twinkling in happiness for his little sister. “Do I get to meet the man who has made my sister’s brain turn mush?”

Toni scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Maybe…someday.”

“MISTER STARK!” Someone suddenly called out from outside and they shared a look.

“Must be reporters. Can’t get enough of me.” Howard joked as he fixed the coat lapels.

“Whatever chump” Toni rolled her eyes. And turned to the exit door in the back. “It’s also my cue to leave.”

“Offer still stands.” Howard called out to her but she had already left.

* * *

When Toni unlocked her apartment, she felt the presence of someone else immediately. She would have been on immediate alert but the presence didn’t feel threatening, it was strange; but no so much when she found Steve curled up and on her bed clutching a folder. From the fact Steve was still wearing his jacket and shoes, she assumed he had probably fallen asleep waiting for her.

Inspecting the bedside clock, it was 2 am. She stood by the bedside, contemplating whether to wake him up but after watching the soothing rise and fall of his chest and the peaceful expression on his face, she decided to let him have the deserved nap. She knew all the hard work he was doing with Bucky after all.

However, she had to make him more comfortable, so without disturbing him too much, she extracted the file from his hand and placed it down on the bedside table. She slightly rolled him over and removed his jacket and pulled off his ratty shoes and socks. She unbuckled his belt and slid it slowly out of its loops. Placing a kiss on his forehead, she pulled the comforter over his prone body and turned the lampshade off.

After a quick session of washing her face and changing into a pair of flannel shirt and ratty cotton trouser, she too scooted in beside him under the comforter. Her larger body spooned his smaller body; her arm was thrown over his waist and her hand rested over his chest. She quickly fell asleep to the feeling of the rhythmic beating of his heart.

* * *

 Glossary:

 **Flat foots** : Policemen or detectives.

 **Snapped his cap** : get angry

 **Chrome-dome** – word for a bald headed man

 **Pennies from heaven** : easy money

 **Lettuce** -money

 **Slug** : punch

 **Call girl** : prostitute

 **Dicks** : detectives


	11. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final repost, guys! LAST REPOST!!! Wooohooo! New chapter tomorrow or possibly tonight?  
> Finally, I want to thank everyone for sticking by and subscribing; it has close to 70 subscriptions which means there are almost 70 people reading this. 70 individuals. Wow. I love you, all!  
> Also, a very special thanks to Michelle who commented on the chapters. (✿◕‿◕)

When Steve woke up, it took him a moment to get his bearing. He blinked his eyes at the thin film of sunlight streaking through the blinds. This was Toni’s apartment. It took him another moment to realise he was not alone in bed.

Toni was fast asleep, sprawled on her back, sheets kicked back, and snoring lightly beside him.

Sunlight played over her, basking her skin in an ethereal glow. She looked so beautiful. Her tanned skin looked golden under the sunlight and the small smattering of freckles on her nose, stood against eh tanned skin. He wasn’t ashamed to tell that he may have all of them memorised.

Her lashes created a shadow over her cheekbones and he resisted an urge to trail his fingers along them to her slightly parted lips where soft puffs of air escaped her. He blushed at his own thoughts and blushed even harder when he realised he also had an erection poking against his pants. It was only natural, he tried to tell himself. This was just a body’s natural reaction, he tried to tell himself.

This was not the first time he had woken up with morning wood; of course he was a grown man.

But, he had never woken up next to Toni before and this was far too embarrassing.

Steve immediately tried to push himself out of bed but strong arms draped itself around his torso and he remained lying on his back.

“mm, where you going?” Toni’s groggy voice spilled through the silence and he turned his head to his side. She was peering at him through sleepy, hooded eyes, nose scrunched up.

“umm…I-uh” Steve stuttered. He couldn’t think of a response. He didn’t want to alert her of his situation-that would be far too embarrassing. Yet, he couldn’t think of anything. Also, he liked the warmth that crept through his chest as she gently rubbed a hand over his stomach-slowly and gently. And he didn’t know whether to protest when she crawled and draped herself over him, a leg thrown over his own.

“you okay?” She mumbled into his chest as she drew lazy pattern with her finger over his clothes.

Her eyes were closed; she seemed to be dwelling between the states of sleep and awareness.

“I um..need the..I need to go to the toilet.” Steve stuttered, intensely peering at the tiny crack in the ceiling; it grows larger and larger in his mind.

The hand soothingly rubbing his belly stopped and he felt eyes on him even before he turned to face Toni who seemed to be looking at him with alert eyes; there was also something teasing in them.

Suddenly, Toni climbed over him, caging his tiny body with hers. He felt the pressure of her body, the tickle of hair that fell over his face and neck, and alarmingly, the sting of Toni nipping at his collarbone, tracing the lines of his neck with her tongue. Steve stifled a gasp and folded his fingers into the bedsheets as Toni continued to suck bruises into his shoulder. It felt good, it felt better than good as he felt Toni’s hand trailing down his stomach and over his trousers. He couldn’t stifle a moan this time, the sensation utterly different than him touching himself.

It lasted a mere moment before nervousness clenched in his stomach, burned behind his eyes and just as Toni managed to unzip his trousers and slip her hand in, Steve pushed her off and with a hasty apology, ran to the small bathroom. He had never been gladder for it in his life than today since he and Bucky had a communal toilet and if he had to run off to the hallway now, he would die of mortification. Not that he didn’t want to. He really really wanted to.

Once inside the tiny Steve made sure he locked the door behind him. He moved to the sink and stopped in front of the mirror. And for the first time in his life, it bothered him how he looked. He was pasty white and scrawny with sharp angles of protruding bones.

Looking at the reflection, he critically brought his hands up, pulled his ears backwards, twisted his head from side to side to see if it made any difference, and then let go with a sigh, shame and disgust burning in his stomach, his chest, his throat, tasting like bile and he wondered, not for the first time, how anyone could ever find him attractive. Especially Toni, who could have any bloke she wanted. She was as beautiful as she was smart.

He turned away deliberately and leaned against the sink. He still had a little problem to take care of-the reason he was now cooped up in the bathroom. His trousers were already unzipped, thanks to Toni but his erection had gone down a little with humiliation; though, not enough to be completely go about normal business. Steve was ashamed to do this with Toni just outside. He almost felt lecherous but mere thought of Toni a few moments ago, had him biting the inside of his cheeks as he stroked himself.

Masturbating was perfectly ordinary-there was a time when he believed god would strike him down or grow hair on his palm or turn blind from it, as the old-wives’ tales goes but growing up, but now it was normal. But, that was all he had so far. He had only masturbated. He had never been with a woman. Toni was his first kiss. He hadn’t thought beyond that. Maybe, that was a lie.

Bucky would call him a fuddy duddy if he said this but he also believed in marriage and no sex before marriage. He was disillusioned enough to believe Toni would want to marry him but maybe, just maybe. But, most days, he was afraid she would finally see him for the scrawny 90 pound asthmatic and leave him.

Steve came sooner than he usually did, under minutes. The thoughts of smiling red lips and dark eyes more potent than ever. He stared down at himself in shame and burning red humiliation.

Some part of his brain also supplied him with worries about his size. It was embarrassing to admit, and something he rarely thought about. He had seen men undress while recruiting, and Steve had to admit, he himself was on the lower spectrum of average. Maybe, even smaller. He had seen Bucky naked numerous times too and compared to his friend, he was definitely small. It was a ridiculous though to envy someone over it but there it was.

And now, that he had just come high from the orgasm, he felt the niggling in his chest grow. His stomach dropped nervously. He washed himself before doing up his trousers.

With, trepidation he unlocked the door and walked out. Toni wasn’t in the room. He didn’t know whether to sigh in relief or groan in frustration. He had to talk to Toni though. He had to tell her a deal of many things. With a sudden focus, he searched for his medical file that he was sure had with him. He had come to Toni’s last night as soon as he could, and somehow fallen asleep in

Toni’s bed.

Toni’s apartment wasn’t too big so the only other place he could look for Toni, and where he found her was the kitchen. She was sitting on chair tapping her fingers against the countertop.

“Water is boiling.” Steve said as he saw the bubbling water.

“Hmm…Eggs.” She told him absentmindedly, without pause. Steve walked closer and saw 4 eggs jolting against each other in the boiling liquid.

“Soft boiled or hard boiled?” She asked him without looking and Steve awkwardly nodded, which didn’t make sense.

Toni, however seemed to take an answer from that and turned off the gas stove.

Neither Steve nor Toni said anything said anything as she placed the egg on the stand and started to break the shell. She tore a piece of toast that was stacked and dipped it in the yolk.

The silence was oppressing as they faced each other on the tiny dining table.

“Toni..” Steve began at the same as Toni called his name, “Steve.”

They both chuckled and the mood in the kitchen lifted a little.

“I am sorry but my rations were running out and I don’t have much for breakfast.” Toni stated, waving at their meagre breakfast.

“No No! This is more than enough!” Steve shook his head. “But that is not what you wanted to say, is it?”

“No.” Toni smiled a little then stretched to the chair beside her and pulled his medical file. Steve hadn’t even noticed that.

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you about it last night but you weren’t back yet.” Steve couldn’t help but sound excited.

Sensing the excitement, Toni too smiled at him-a little sadly but Steve couldn’t tell, “Well, Captain

Rogers, what did I tell you? They would take your stubborn ass sooner or later!”

“I am not a captain yet, Toni.” Steve blushed and tore his bread and popped it into his mouth.

“That will probably never happen or take forever if it did.”

“You underestimate yourself.”

“Funny, because everyone usually tell me otherwise.” Steve said, and there wasn’t dejection in his voice, only acceptance. But not defeat. He had been told most of his life how he always overestimated himself and his potential and even if they didn’t say it with words; they said it with their eyes and their slight disapproval, Hell, even Bucky sometimes did it.

However, he didn’t let their words get to him. They may think he was weak and meek and unless he was submissive, he wasn’t defeated. Until he fought with his last breath, he would still stand tall as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Steve Rogers has a tiny penis. Pass it on (◡‿◡✿)  
> Sorry, I just couldn’t help it!!! But, can I just say something at the risk of sounding like a pervert? Chris Evans looks like a guy who has a big dick but doesn’t brag about it (¬‿¬)  
> This chapter was fun to write. Penis envy aside!  
> Please review if you are excited for the new chapter. (✿◕‿◕)


	12. Letters to Antonia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This my friend, is where the new saga begins! I would like to say that since I made you all wait so long, I am super anxious about this chapter. I feel like the past weeks have been a big buildup for this so I really hope it doesn’t disappoint. Personally, I do love this chapter so I hope you “like” it at least :)  
> Thank you all for sticking by, and special thanks to everyone who came from ff.net. I remember you all and it made my day to see a comment from you guys here.  
> Finally, there are several “spot the reference” moments somewhere in there so have fun!

Dear Toni,

How are you? I pray this letter sees you and Butterfingers in good health. I started on this letter as soon as I could get my hands on some stationary.

It’s been a week of me getting here and I am still very overwhelmed as I was the day I got here. After the immediate training they got us into the day our troop arrived on location, I thought I would perish the very next morning when my body could feel nothing but pain. I would love to say the case isn’t so anymore but I would be lying. My joints will probably feel this for the next 80 years to come.

I will not lie but there were times this week and possibly there will be times after this too, when I wonder if maybe this was just a boyish ambition of mine and if I could even contribute anything to this war. These are thoughts that plague me when sometimes I am running the last lap when the field has been cleared of other soldiers but just as I cross the finish line on my breath, the feeling goes away. Don’t worry about me. They are tough with me as they are with other men here.

Speaking of, there is a female Seargent here who reminds me a bit of you. She slugged a rookie on our very first day. Maybe that’s why. I can’t help but remember our very first meeting. Those times feel like they belong in another time.

My bunkmate is from Bronx; one can compare him to a barrel. He says he will start his own farm somewhere in Michigan when this whole war is over. Bubba from bunk over says he wants to live his days on a shrimp boat. I haven’t really thought about the future yet, Toni. Sometimes, I wonder if there is even for a soldier like me. I am not naïve like Bucky may think me to be. I know this is war and the fear of death is a real one as is the lack of a future.

That is why even if I have to die, I want to create a better world where we can all dream about a future without the worry of war. I want families where their sons don’t have to fight, their daughters won’t be a widow, and their kids won’t be an orphan and there shall be no fear of bombs or guns or bullies.

Dream with me, Toni. Dream with me because I have been dreaming of you every night. I lied when I said I said I haven’t thought of a future for me. I have and its one with you.

I will leave you with this confession & anxiously await your reply and may god be with you.

With all my love,

Yours,

Steve

* * *

 

Dearest Toni,

Oh how I miss you. Please send me a picture of yours if you can in the next letter. Maybe the one we took the day before I left?  You looked so beautiful that day, as you always do. Let me say I miss you once again and hunched over your letter, I can’t but smile like a blithering idiot. And the little paw print of Butterfingers towards the end made it even more precious.

Sometimes I wonder if you are just a dream. You possibly can’t be real and more so in love with me. But then I do as you tell me and read the list of reasons why you love and why wonder…My eyes are your favourite shade of blue? I think I should thank my mother for that. I wanted to make a list of things about you but I realized there isn’t anything I don’t love about you.

So here is my list of things I love you for: Everything.

Moving onto something less embarrassing, I think I am getting used to the training regime as my bones don’t complain as much. I feel like an old man saying that. However, I think I may have gained a few muscles and a tan. I have definitely gained a tan-nothing notable, just slightly less pale. Muscles are a different story altogether.

Truly yours,

Steve

* * *

 

Dear Toni,

Sadly, I collapsed yesterday in training and am currently in the infirmary. The nurse is actually trying to pry the stationary as I write this very letter. But she tells me you are very beautiful. Thank you for the picture. I will be sure to cherish it.  With this, I feel like you are beside me. I will have to keep this short but once I recover I will send you a more interesting letter than this which is just to let you know I love you. Nothing new there.

Sincerely,

Your Steve

* * *

 

My dear Toni,

First let me relieve your worry. I am absolutely spiffy now. Have been for a while. Sorry if the last letter was bit of a scare but I am all fine now. I won’t go down that easily!

You take care of yourself too. I am hearing there is a flu going around. And, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the package of Yardley soap and the tin of coffee. I gave some to Iberis, our lunch lady. She is such a dear. For a woman in her 60s, she sure is sprightly. Doesn’t let Jonhny or the other boys get away with stealing extra pudding.

Speaking of the boys, Johny got a letter last week and it said his wife gave birth to a baby girl. He now, talks of nothing but his “little Judith”. It is precious to see a tank of a man coo over a small photograph of a tiny infant. It’s heartwarming too.

Toni, will it be too presumptuous of me to ask if we make through this war, if I come back home, that someday we could be a family? I am only afraid if I could ever be worthy of you. I want to see you in a white trousseau that you deserve.

Consider me bold for once. This is not a proposal (you deserve a far less modest speech) but a promise. This is my promise. I will make it back and you have nothing to worry.

I leave you with this promise. Good night. Sweet dreams.

Love,

Steve

* * *

 

Dearest Toni,

To answer your question, I don’t know if making a pigeon pie for our wedding where pigeons fly out when you cut it open, is possible but I will second the subsequent option of vanilla and buttercream with sugar red roses. You have prepared a guest list already for the wedding? Well, let’s both share our list so we don’t end up inviting the guests twice. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone other than you and Bucky, and I very much doubt the bride and the best man need an invite.

And, not to worry, I won’t be falling for the lunch lady (not when I have someone with a killer right hook waiting for me at home).

I will remind you once again to take care and not only worry about me. You want me to promise again? I promise to you. I promise I will come back and we will have the wedding you want. We will have the red roses and the cake and you will be the white trousseau and I will wear a tuxedo and you can teach me how to dance.

Butterfingers can be our ring bearer as you demanded (only god knows how that will work). Bucky will surely be the best-man.

Well, it’s getting late and. I want to hand in this letter to the office and hope it reaches you on time.

I am leaving it at here today then. Good night. Sweet dreams.

Only yours,

Steve

* * *

Dear Toni,

You want me to wear my military uniform instead of a tuxedo? No, that doesn’t that sound unappealing to me and if you think I look dashing in it, how can I refuse? I am getting the sense I have gotten vain somehow.

Sal’s is closing down the shop? Business must be really suffering in these times. Will you be okay for the month, Toni? You said the factory is hiring but is it necessary to move out of the apartment? I don’t have much but I have a savings if you need help with the rent till you find a new job. I know you told me you don’t need any help but please consider it.  I worry about you.

Take care.

Steve

* * *

Dear Toni,

Yes, you are being a little stubborn, Toni. But I can understand why. I don’t recognize the new postal address. You did end up moving then. Manhattan? Are you living with Jarvis per chance? You didn’t tell me about it so I am assuming you don’t want to talk about it but I am here if you want to.

I have some news. I may be in Brooklyn tomorrow possibly…though a meeting is not possible. (You will be in Manhattan anyways). Tomorrow is a big day. I cannot reveal more (not that I know much about it myself) but it can possibly be something big for the turnout of this war.

I am confining in you that I am scared. I do not know how tomorrow will play out but if things go wrong, please remember I love you and my last thoughts will be of you.

But, it is my greatest purpose to come back to you. Take care, Toni and may the gods be with us.

Yours forever,

Steve

* * *

 

~~~~

~~Sir~~ /Madam, 

It is my painful duty to inform you the death of (No.) 43385 Private Steve Rogers which occurred at Brooklyn on the 17th of August, and I am to express to you the sympathy and regret of the Army Council at your loss. The cause of death was ‘killed in action’

_If any article of private property left by the deceased are found, they will be handed over to the next of kin as stated on the form upon valid identification and receipt._

I am,

Your obedient servant,

Colonel C.Philips

UNITED STATES MILITARY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I was originally planning to make handwritten letters for every single one of them but decided that was way too much work than I was planning for (I call myself lazy for a reason) But, I liked the way the letter turned out. I think it’s pretty darn realistic, if I am being (not) modest.  
> Also, the dates are mucked up so please don’t dwell too much on that.  
> So, what did you guys thing? Please leave a comment and make my day :)  
> ● [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) & [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :) ● [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sumiraiX)


	13. Come fly with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys! Thank you so much for the overwhelmingly lovely response to the last chapters. You may not know this but most portion of my chapters gets written within the first few hours of receiving my reviews. I don’t know what it is but as soon as I see a comment, I get so energized (this may or may not be a not-so-subtle way to tell you guys to review^^)  
> This chapter wasn't supposed to go up till tomorrow but I changed my mind. Lucky you! :)

“Hello, Steve.”

Steve was startled out of his reverie. It was Agent Carter. “Hi… What are you doing here?”

“Officially I'm not here at all.” Agent Carter told him and he nodded, a little confused. “That was quite a performance.”

“Yeah, uh...”Steve trailed off. He didn’t even know what to say. He had been booed off the stage by a couple dozen men after all, so he tried to be funny. “I had to improvise a little bit. The crowds I'm used to are usually more, uh...twelve.”

“I understand you're America's new hope.” She ignored his comment, while seating herself on the raised platform behind him.

“Is that Senator Brandt, I hear?” The agent was more than sharp to understand.

“At least he's got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.” Steve replied, dejected and couldn’t help but sigh. It had been a few month since the Brooklyn incident when he was injected with the super-serum and everything had gone horribly wrong. The government considered the “Super Soldier” far too expensive a creation to risk in combat. How was he even a soldier when all he did now was sing show tunes and did dance routines?

“You were meant for more than this, you know?”

Steve didn’t have a reply for that. Steve was just hanging on with no idea of what else to do but what Senator Brandt told him. Hanging in there for the day when he could do what he joined the army for. Fight the war and someday, when this was all over, see Toni and Bucky.

He wondered if things would have turned out the same if Dr. Erskine hadn’t been killed. Would the government have still restricted his access to anyone outside the military?

“Steve Rogers” as a person was dead to the world. Colonel Philips had told him it was protect his loved ones, so they wouldn’t be the ill target of HYDRA agents in the near future. Steve wasn’t entirely convinced on this but after, seeing what happened to the doctor, Steve wasn’t reluctant at all; he didn’t want to take a chance on it. He would do anything to protect his loved ones, even if it meant he could never see them again.

Steve was no longer the shy, skinny kid from Brooklyn but a symbol of patriotism, justice and a light of hope in the war-weary nation. In his place was a public persona. He was Captain America.

“What?” Peggy asked in response to his silence.

“You know, for the longest time I dreamed about...coming over seas and...being on the front lines. Serving my country. Finally got everything I wanted.” Steve began. He hadn’t really shared his thoughts with anyone. Not that there was anyone to share it with. He couldn’t contact Toni for her own safety and Bucky was a soldier with his own set of duties. So, he shared with the one person who was talking to him at that moment. He decided to end it on a deprecating tone. “And I'm wearing tights.”

Steve didn’t get to hear the response as the jeep filled with casualties started unloading a short distance from them. Stretchers with wounded men filled the area.

“Look like they've been through hell.” Steve commented from his position, noticing the bones piercing through one’s shoulder.

“These men more than most.” Peggy admitted then divulged, “Schmidt sent out a force to a zone. Less than 50 returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th. The rest were killed or captured.”

“The 107th?” Steve’s mind caught the number. No, it couldn’t be.

* * *

“Well if it isn't the Star Spangled Man with the plan.” was the sarcastic greeting he received from Colonel Philips as he entered the tent. “What is your plan today?”

“I need the causality list from Bolzano.” Steve really had no time to waste here.

“You don't get to give me orders, son.” Colonel stated, going back to look at his papers.

“I just need one name.” Steve requested. “Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

The Colonel sighed but didn’t say anything.

“Please tell me he's alive, sir.” Steve was close to begging now. “B-A-R...”

“I can spell.” The Colonel snapped. His face turned morose, his eyes suddenly looked very tired and weary. “I've signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But... The name does sound familiar.”

When he saw the crestfallen look on Steve’s face, he added. “I'm sorry.”

Steve took a deep breath. He had little time to recover but he asked, “What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?”

“Yeah, it's called winning the war.” The old Colonel was back to being his grouchy self.

“But if you know where they are, why not...”Steve tried to reason but the Colonel wouldn’t have any of it.

“They're thirty miles behind the lines. Through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save. I don't expect you to understand that, because you're a chorus girl.”

“I think I understand just fine.” Steve replied dully.

“Well then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you've got someplace to be in thirty minutes.” The colonel dismissed him.

“Yes, sir. I do.”  Steve agreed but his place at that time was completely different from the posters.

* * *

“Thank you, you both.” Steve told Peggy and Howard Stark.

“Well, you couldn’t have just walked to Austria now, could you?” Peggy snorted, then softly added. “But as the Colonel said your friend is most likely dead.”

“You don't know that.” Steve brushed off the worry.

Howard Stark interrupted their argument, shouting from the cockpit, “The Hydra camp is in Krossberg. It's up between these two mountain ranges. It's a factory of some kind. We should be able to drop you around the doorstep.”

“Just get me as close as you can.” Steve replied. Anything would be better and faster than him walking there as he would have done if Peggy hadn’t believed in him and roped in Stark along the way. He couldn’t help but address them both. “You know you two are going to be in a lot of trouble when you land.”

“And you won't?” Peggy replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Where I'm going if any anybody yells at me I can just shoot them.”

“And they will undoubtedly shoot back.”

“Well let’s hope this is good for something, Agent Carter.” He said, pointing at his ridiculous shield painted in the image of the American flag.

Agent Carter didn’t say anything to that instead she commented. “Stark is the best civilian pilot I've ever seen. We're lucky to have him.”

“Plus, my sister was the one who made this particular model.” Stark turned to add, which was probably some form of reassurance but it didn’t really matter to Steve so he simply nodded.

Suddenly they were hit with a torrent of enemy fires. Undoubtedly they were in enemy lines. Steve couldn’t risk the other two on board being hurt so he prepared himself to jump off with his parachute.

“Get back here, we're taking you all the way there.” Howard yelled, noticing the soldier hanging near the exit door.

“I'm jumping this plane, turn this thing around and get the hell out of here.” Steve shouted over the sound of the enemy fires and the howling wind.

“You can't give me orders.” Howard shouted back.

“The hell I can't.” Steve yelled back and a small smirk broke out on his face as he phrased his net words. For the first time in months he felt the thrill, the rush but most importantly, he felt purpose. “I'm a Captain.”

* * *

The sun was bright as it showered warmth over the flowers over the hill. Bucky was sitting, leaning against the trunk of a tree at the top of the hill. The valley below him looked so peaceful.

“Cake, James? I made it myself” Toni called out to him as she handed him a large wedge of pineapple upside down from the wicker basket lying beside them. He began to pleasantly eat it, licking the little trail of caramel dribbling down his arm. Toni giggled.

Steve was flying a kite just a distance away.

“Bucky!” Steve called and Bucky waved back with his free hand.

“Bucky!” Steve called again.

Bucky tried to wave but found his hands restrained by his side.

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice was getting louder and louder until the sight of the bright sun diminished, replaced by the dreary room where he was tied to a table. Steve’s face hovered over him.

“Of course, that was a dream. Toni’s cooking abilities should have been the clue.” Bucky mumbled to himself as he saw his friend, shake him awake.

“Come on, Bucky.” Steve was unstrapping him hastily. Finally, Bucky was out of his restraints. He jumped off the table immediately.

“Thank god! I thought you were dead.” Steve said breathlessly, sighing with relief.

Bucky looked at the person before him. It looked like Steve. It was Steve but…different.

“I thought you were smaller.” Bucky huffed out in confusion, looking at his friend who was now a head taller and broader. Then, as if remembering exclaimed, “No, I thought you were dead, Steve!”

Steve squirmed. “We don’t have the time to talk about it. I will try to explain everything later.”

“You better explain everything.” Bucky glared and turned around to leave only to stop abruptly and turn back around. “Wait, does Toni know?”

Steve shook his head.

“Well, now I don’t know who I feel sorrier for.” Bucky simply said and smiled sympathetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Toni in this chapter but we will see her in the next one. I promise :)  
> Don’t forget to leave a comment! Comment is love. Comment is life.  
> ● [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) ● [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sumiraiX)


	14. You'll never know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much stuff happening irl that mainly includes me shirking possible responsibilities and getting overwhelmed and dooming my future. Same ole. Same Ole.  
> The annoying thing is, I had written half of this chapter when my laptop decided to crash and auto recovery didn’t help one bit. SO, I had to retype half of this chapter and I hate doing that (I always feel like I forgot a dialogue or scene or something) but it had to be done…  
> So, yeah…three cheers for impending doom.  
> On a side note, I love how all you guys have a certain way you want Toni to respond. Mine might not be exactly what you wanted but I think it suits her personality the best! :D

“You wear tights now….”Bucky prompted and Steve groaned into his hands.

“I can understand why you wouldn’t want to tell us you weren’t dead because of that. I mean if I was to wear something so tight, I would rather people think I am dead too.” Bucky continued to joked but with a bit more accusatory tone.

“I was protecting you.” Steve pleaded.

“Knowing you, that is most probably the truth.” Bucky casually accepted the apology laid, all the while fidgeting to get into a more comfortable position in the ratty bed.

They were both in the medical bay where soldiers around them were getting treatments-some more serious than others but all of them were the rescued hostages from Schmidt’s factory. The rescue mission was successful and despite the grim line of annoyance in the Colonel’s face, Steve knew that the Colonel was pleased.

Steve was sitting by Bucky’s bedside, who was getting examined more than others-probably because Bucky was found in the isolation chamber. Also, the only survivor of it in the Schmidt camp.

“You alright?” Steve asked, watching one of the doctors draw up his blood.

“I would be if they stopped sucking my blood every other minute.” Bucky complained, glaring at the doctor who in turn ignored his errant patient. “Maybe if it were a pretty dame in a cute nurse uniform then that would be another story.”

“I find that disrespectful, soldier.” Peggy came around to where the two friends were.

“No disrespect at all, maam. Only deep admiration.” Bucky flirted, winking at the sergeant.

“Captain.” Peggy ignored Bucky, and instead greeted Steve.

“Agent.” Steve responded back.

“Wait, are you both ignoring me!?” Bucky tried to gain their attention only to be yanked down by the doctor attending.

“Stay still, Mr. Barnes or else I will miss the nerve.” The doctor sounded exasperated and most likely to miss a nerve on purpose.

“May I talk to you about the mission and brief you over something?” Peggy offered, then looking around the curious faces her appearance had gathered, added, “Somewhere more private?”

Someone wolf whistled and with the roll of her eyes exited the tent from the back, followed closely by Steve.

* * *

“I feel sleepy…” Bucky commented as the doctor drew out the needle from his arm.

“It is all the loss of blood. You should be fine after a meal but we still need to figure what you were injected with.” The doctor answered tracking the slightly old track mark. “I need to go check on the others now. You” he pointed an accusatory finger. “No movement or the saline drip will come off.”

“Don’t worry, doctor. I will make sure Mr. Barnes will follow through.”  a brunette in a pale nurse uniform appeared behind them. Bucky perked up at the new arrival.

“Be careful.” The doctor whispered not so subtlety to the new arrival and Bucky rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

“What are you even…how are you…What are you doing here?” Bucky asked as soon as the doctor was out of ear shot.

“I heard you were dying…but it seems you are not so I think I will be going now.” Toni nonchalantly added, turning around.

“Oi!” Bucky caught her hand. “What’s with all the anger? And here I thought you were actually concerned about me.”

Toni scoffed but doing nothing to leave, instead sat down on the stool previously occupied by the doctor. “Don’t flatter yourself, Barnes. I just came here to get something my brother borrowed from me if it is even in one place.”

“Admit it! You were worried.” Bucky teased.

“Are you a man of your words, Barnes?” Toni asked and Bucky looked confused before shrugging.

“I would like to think so...” not understanding where she was going with it.

“You promised you wouldn’t die in the war. I have nothing to worry about.” Toni simply explained and for once Bucky’s grin slipped off his face to be replaced by an expression he himself couldn’t identify. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it, realizing he didn’t know what to say.

“Hey! How come Barnes gets the prettiest nurse?” Someone around them shouted and both Toni and Bucky’s attention swerved to the man built like a tank. But the sulking pout on the hardened man had both Toni and Bucky exchanging looks.

“Because I am obviously the best looking one out here.” Bucky shouted back grinning only to be smacked in the back of his head by Toni.

“I think that would be Captain America.” one of the matronly nurses commented from the sidelines which started a torrent of debate.

“Oh yes, I understand that  _Captain America_ rescued you all.” Toni said, turning towards him.

Bucky at this point felt an emotion that could be a flurry of a lot of things, uncomfortable would probably be one of them.

“Toni, I have something to tell you.” Bucky blurted but despite the nod of consent Bucky couldn’t form his sentence. What did he want to tell? That Steve was alive. She was the one who had sent him the brief telegram about receiving Steve’s death notice but after that, there hadn’t been anything. Not that he could have read anything from her since his troop was dispatched soon after. He hadn’t even known what a phenomenon his “friend” had become until he had been back.

To his surprise,Toni casually asked, “Out of 10, how surprised were you to find out Steve was Captain America?”

* * *

When Steve came back to the tent, Bucky was casually reading a comic with his face on it.

“Why are you reading that?” Steve immediately asked, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Oh this?” Bucky asked, holding his comic high in the air, “Toni stopped by and let me borrow it.”

Steve must have heard that wrong. Bucky couldn’t have said Toni. Not his Toni, anyways.

“Yes, that Toni.” Bucky confirmed, as he could read his mind.

Steve stammered for a response but couldn’t find his words.

Bucky watched his once little friend frail around in his new muscled body, a little reminiscent of old times.

“I kinda feel sorry for you.” Bucky concluded, going back to reading the comic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi on [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) & [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	15. (I Love You) for sentimental reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, your eyes aren't deceiving you, I actually updated!!! :o
> 
> Let me start by saying, life gets in the way and sometimes you just can’t finish what you start. Oh and sometimes you lose all pre-written chapters and the future layout of chapters which will piss you off to no ends.
> 
> I read this story from the start and after cringing at some parts and many typos, I think I still am in love with this story. I am not sure if people are even still interested in this story so if you are-and this is a selfish request-then please leave a comment. I enjoy writing this story but I don’t want to continue writing without an audience…
> 
> So, no more blabbering and here is chapter 15!

_“Hey, so out of 10, how surprised were you to find out Steve was Captain America?”_

“You don’t have to say any-wait what?” Bucky choked. “You KNEW?!”

“I am not an idiot unlike someone I know thinks.” Toni rolled her eye, picking an imaginary lint off her white skirt. “These skirts are really uncomfortable for daily use. I mean, I would assume, being in the profession, you need to wear trousers or something.”

“What?” Bucky asked dumbfounded.

“Trousers. Women need trousers. I can’t bend in this thing.”

“No. About Steve!”

“What is there to say? He is Captain America and he thinks I think he is dead, I think…” Toni replied.

“What is going on?” Bucky stammered out utterly confused for one. Toni’s wordings were deliberately confusing.

“SO, how surprised were you?” Toni ignored him.

“Very!!! But how? You? You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky was a little furious now, still more confused than furious though.

“No need to fly off the handle. I didn’t know anything for over a month after you troop was dispatched and then it wasn’t as if I could immediately ring you about it in some part of Austria!” Toni explained.

“Steve says he wanted to protect us so he agreed to it.” Bucky tried. He and Steve had been talking briefly about why Steve would even consent to having his friends think he was dead. He understood that Steve’s fear wasn’t ill founded after the conversation. Bucky couldn’t say he wouldn’t have done the same.

“He didn’t have the right to be!” Toni snapped, but quickly reigned in her anger and smiled far too cheerily. “It’s all in the past now. You know now and hey!” She jumped excitedly, “Have you seen the comic and trading cards? I have them with me!”

“Is little Steve that big of a thing now? Though he isn’t that little now.” Bucky tried to be enthused about it even though he knew Toni wasn’t telling him everything. There was no way Toni would be acting so cheerful. For a second, he could swear she looked like she was about to cry just now. But he decided to play along with her happiness. “Let’s see them!”

 “Has anyone here seen Agent Carter?” Howard Stark’s voice boomed through as he entered the medical shaft. He looked around but stopped still when his eyes landed on his sister. He scuttled quickly towards her and exclaimed, “What are you doing here?! And why are you dressed as a nurse?”

Toni rolled her eyes, “I am here to have what’s mine back. Of course they wouldn’t let me in otherwise. Had to pay one of the staff nurses for this uncomfortable outfit. Seriously, its’ really hard to work in these!”

“About that plane I borrowed…”Howard murmered and Bucky saw him visibly gulp.

“Yes, brother dearest, do continue.” Toni tapped her feet impatiently.

Howard looked around desperately, then his eyes lighting up as he saw Bucky in his bed.

“Are you who I think you are?” Howard pushed Toni away and caught Bucky’s arm. “Steve? Is that your name?”

Toni sighed beside them and rolled her eyes. “Brother, you are embarrassing yourself. This is Barnes.”

“Where have I heard that name before?” Howard said, looking thoughtful, brows scrunched up in thought.

“He is Steve’s best friend.”

“Steve? Your Steve?” Howard began and then shook his head and faced Bucky. “Wait. Aren’t you a friend of Rogers?”

“For a smart person you really are stupid.” Tony said, rolling her eyes. She faced Bucky and added, “I will see you again before I leave.”

She exited the tent, leaving in wake a calculating Howard.

“How do you know my sister?” Howard demanded the moment the tent flapped closed behind Toni. Bucky had fooled around with many girls over the years and then been messed up by their brothers to know that tone of voice. That voice did not bode well.

“We are friends.” Bucky said, trying to make it sound as innocent it was. He tried to avoid the little fact, he may like her more than a friend. He didn’t need a protective brother possibly injuring him further.

“How do you know this Steve?”

“He was/is my roommate back in Brooklyn?” Bucky said, a little confused about the tenses. There was no doubt they would still be roommates after the war, right?

“What is this relationship of your friend with my sister?” Howard asked already knowing the answer. He knew his sister liked this “Steve”, she had admitted so to him when they had met in the fair those many months ago but she had clammed up when she had come to him a few months prior for a job. He remembered her telling him Steve would be joining the war so Howard had assumed to worst. Soldiers die all the time.

That is why when she had called him up all those months ago crying, he had assumed the worst. She seemed to be avoiding the topic and Howard, with respect to her, avoided it as well. He didn’t ask questions and all she wanted of him was a job. He had told her he would get her to work in the labs with him but she had politely declined.

Now, he berated himself for not confirming the facts.

“Is Steve still…alive?” Howard asked a little hesitantly, fearing the news already.

“Nah. Steve is well and good. Actually better than good.” Bucky replied. “Better than good in fact, bloody guy is taller than me now! That little shrimp.” The tone was fond.

“What is this friend of yours full name?” Howard asked, suddenly getting a niggle behind his mind. He previously didn’t have a last name to scrounge through the records.

“Steve Rogers.”

Howard took the information in and let it settle in his head. There were a lot of Steve Rogers in this world right? Despite it, he managed to ask, “This Steve Rogers wouldn’t happen to be Captain America would he?”

“You mean the guy on these trading cards?” Bucky lifted the bunch of trading cards Toni has left for him on the bed and nodded, “Yup, this is Steve. You look surprised. Darn it so was I!”

* * *

“Can you tell him to get back here if you see him?” Bucky called out to the retreating back of Howard Stark, who had left without another word. However, Bucky could have sworn that he was muttering “idiot” under his breath a lot. Bucky would have been offended if the accusation seemed to be turned towards him and not self-internalized.

Steve stared at the comic in Bucky’s hand and let the words sink in.

“Do you know where Toni is?” He finally asked and Bucky shook his head sympathetically.

“She seemed to be in a hurry or maybe it was just her getting away from her brother.”

“Her brother is here?” Steve sounded surprised. He was a little surprised. Toni didn’t talk about her brother but from what she had said, he was very smart (not as smart as her though) and in the military. “Whats her brother’s name?”

Bucky got a strange sense of déjà vu.

“Uh, Howard.” He said slowly, wondering why Toni hadn’t told Steve about it already.

“Full name.” another déjà vu.

“Howard Stark…?” Maybe Bucky wasn’t supposed to saying this but Toni hadn’t explicitly forbidden him to conceal the fact about the being siblings. Plus, this was Steve. No longer shrimpy Steve.

Silence and contemplation and look of concentration.

“Is this Howard Stark the same famous Howard Stark?” another déjà vu. Man, what was with these déjà vu.

Bucky didn’t answer, just nodded.

Like Howard had previously done, Steve walked out of the tent muttering a string of synonyms for “idiot” under his breath. This time, Bucky didn’t even bother to feel offended; he was just very confused. Once again, it felt like everyone was in on the joke and he wasn’t.

* * *

“Where is Toni?” Howard and Steve asked at the same time.

“Dangit! She always does this. Disappears without telling me.” Howard began to mutter and Steve fidgeted awkwardly. This was not how he had imagined meeting Toni’s family. Was this even meeting the family when he had already met Howard before? Nevertheless, he was at loss for words.

“So, Steve?” Howard was glaring slightly at him. “Want to tell me something?”

“Did you know? Did you tell her?” of all the things Steve wanted to ask, he didn’t want to start off accusatorily.

“What are you going on about, Rogers? What intentions do you have towards my sister?” Howard was stern and not the usual charming face. Steve would have been shaking in his boots if it were anybody but him, serum in him or not.

“I love her.” Steve replied sincerely and Howard sighed, his sternness dissolving into a blank canvas.

Howard grunted and rubbed his eyes. When he looked up, his face was once again held the amiable smile it always did. “So, that makes us brother in laws, huh?”

“I wouldn’t put it that far.” Steve mumbled, blush creeping from face.

“Ah, but I am her brother, you see and I know things. She is head over heels.” Howard sincerely supplied before jokingly adding, “Besides, I don’t think you can get out even if you wanted.”

“Oh! by the way, I didn’t tell her about you.” On the look of confusion on Steve’s face, Howard added, “about Captain America. I don’t know how she knew since all your files are confidential to even military personnel of certain ranks but she is a smart one, and don’t let her hear me saying this but sometimes I think smarter than me so, her finding it out wouldn’t surprise me.”

Steve exhaled sharply. He had cut ties with her to protect her but now that she knew, was staying away even an option? The image of Dr. Erskine’s prone body in his arms still haunted him. Would Toni be safe with him?

“I can tell from the look on your face that you are already overthinking things.” Howard’s voice cut through his mental musing. “Toni is a simple person. She may be smart as a button but she is simple. Talk to her. But, find her first.”

Steve just nodded and headed back towards the medical bay.

Steve shouldn’t have worried about finding Toni, because Toni found him first or more like Toni’s note did. It was nestled between his pillow.

“ _I am angry, very very so and this note is to let you know that. I know you probably did what you did to protect me; you are afterall the Steve I know and love(and yes, I still love you, you stupid nugget). But, don’t ever ever do that to me again. We all have secrets. I had mine which you probably found out too. Howard is a dick in any case. He is also stupid but he is also my idiotic brother. I am sorry I never told you. I could say that it never came up in conversation but I was afraid, deep inside, of how differently you would see me after I told you. Nothing I needed to worry about but we have our secrets._

_But you being alive? Did that need to be a secret? Don’t ever ever go pretending to die again. You don’t have to worry about protecting me. I am not going down that easily._

_Steve, I was scared. So so scared that I lost you so please don’t scare me again. Please don’t die. Don’t even pretend to. Don’t leave me alone._

_~~Yours forever~~ _ _,_

 _A very angry Toni_ ”

Steve couldn’t exactly tell what it was but a strange wave of relief coursed through his body. He could feel his body go lax and he flopped down on the bed. Pulling the letter to his face, he closed his eyes. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep in that position-the stress and tension of the day getting to him finally-until someone tried to pry out the paper out of his hands and he was on alert once again.

“That sleeping position doesn’t look comfortable at all.” The voice spoke and a whiplash of electric current coursed through his veins. It was the voice Steve knew. It was the voice Steve missed the most. It was the voice he loved. The voice belonged to Toni.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bam bam bam! I am back! :)  
> come say hi on [Tumblr](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) & [Twitter](http://twitter.com/sumiraiX) :)


	16. COVER/POSTER

As you can tell, this is not an actual chapter. Sorry if you got a little too excited lol. Also, really glad to know you guys are still alive and interested in this story!!! :D

I just wanted to let you all know that I made a poster/banner/cover (take your pick for the choice of words) for this fanfiction. I know it's a bit shitty but it took me all day and if I am being entirely honest, I really like it :)

 

Also, some of you have been asking if I had an actress in mind for Toni and I do...except I realised, much later as I was editing this that Kate Beckinsale looked awfully similar to Hawley Atwell(Peggy Carter) so incase you think if the woman in the banner is Peggy, no, it is not :)

But, still here are some pictures of "Toni" to help you picture her...

 

 

 

So, please let me know your thoughts on the poster, your thoughts on "Toni". Please don't be too harsh if you don't like her; Toni is after all fictional and its so difficult to find real live people who fit the bill >.< But, if you had any other actress in mind then keep imagining her and/or comment below so I can check them out for myself :)

* * *

 

Follow me on [TUMBLR](http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/) // [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/sumiraiX)

 


	17. I'll Be Seeing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack : [I'll never smile again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKyi8suBr6I) by Frank Sinatra & Tom Dorsey
> 
> This chapter has minor discrepancies so please overlook that. I got a little exhausted while editing this. Sorry.

[Banner by me]

* * *

 

The strategic meeting with Colonel Philips was over. Steve had declined the Colonel’s offer of special troops. No, Steve was going to build a team of people he knew and trusted to take down Adolf Hitler. And, he had just the right people in mind. The men he had rescued from the HYDRA base camp were men that had faced hell and survived. Steve knew he needed them in the team. They were willing to follow Captain America. Of course he had to open a tab for them at the bar but that was just a small favour.

Now, he needed to ask the one man, his best friend, if he was willing to follow Captain America.

“No, I am not following Captain America.” Bucky flatly refused but before Steve could get disheartened by the refusal, Bucky added, “But, that skinny kid from Brooklyn who was too dumb enough to run away from a fight…I am following him”

Steve grinned and slapped his best friend’s back. Steve opened his mouth to speak but he was interrupted by a voice he hadn’t heard in a long while. “So am I!”

Steve snapped his neck around so suddenly that he was worried he might have pulled something if he wasn’t injected with the super serum. “Toni!” he shouted but his voice was drowned by the noisy pub.

Last night, they hadn’t said a word to each other in the tent. Toni had simply got on the bed and wrapped herself around him. She had pulled the covers on them and he could distinctly remember her small frame fitting right inside the curve of his arm. He hadn’t realize how small, how delicate and how fragile she seemed. They had laid in that position for hours until both had fallen asleep. When, he had woken up that morning, he was the only occupant of the bed.

“Being Captain America surely comes with perks, eh?” the man from the bunk across him had said and from the leery expression, Steve knew that the man had seen Toni.

“They don’t make then that pretty from I come. Guess you are a lucky man, Captain.” Another had joined in and in the cahoot of laughter.

* * *

“Steve, good to see you are alive.” Toni said but without any bite. Steve swallowed down the nervousness he felt and opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him.

“I missed you both!” And she jumped to engulf them both in a hug. Laughing, when their heads collided, she sat down beside them. Steve could swear her eyes were shining with unshed tears. Noone said anything.

The trio didn’t talk about anything serious. It felt like all the serious talk was sweeped under the bed for the time being. It was all pretense and they knew it. For those two hours, they acted the way they did in Brooklyn, all too stranger to war.

Toni would pull out every published Captain America comic and she and Bucky would laugh as they would read Captain America’s _heroic_ dialogues out loud. For those blissful 2 hours, the war was forgotten

“Can I keep these for the time? Should be fun to read when I am not actually just riling Stevie here.” Bucky asked and Steve glared at him from across the table.

“Barnes, if I see one stain or smudge on it, I will make you wish for Adolf Hitler instead.” Toni threatened him.

“Do you two have to do this? These comics are embarrassing.” Steve whined childishly.This scenario was too reminiscent of their days back in Brooklyn. The thought brought a sharp pang to his chest.

Toni and Bucky turned to look at him over Issue #3 of Captain America and promptly went back to negotiating terms and conditions of handling the comics.

“This is silly!” Steve tried once more to get their attention but they weren’t listening. He tried to change topics, “Where you headed to next Toni? Back to Manhattan?”

“Well, I was supposed to go to air force base in Massachusetts…” Toni replied distractedly, now swirling her drink. “but they are really short of hand in Bavaria so-”

“That’s in Germany!” Steve interrupted, voice too loud and for a brief second everyone turned to look at them; the music picked up though and everyone was back to their business.

“Whats your point, Steve?” Toni demanded.

“That’s dangerous.”

“Steve, we are in war. Everywhere is dangerous. I will be fine. I will be staying there no more than 2 days. It is just en route that’s all. My destination is Belfast.”

“Do you blame me for worrying?” Steve asked sincerely, a little relieved that Toni wouldn’t be in Germany for long. Ireland in comparison was a lot safer.

“Well, considering you had us believe you were dead to protect us, your worrying is on a whole different level.” Toni answered and Bucky snorted.

“Speaking of, how did you find out about Steve being Captain America?” Bucky asked, curiosity piqued.

“Wasn’t that hard. They wouldn’t let me see your body, you see. I was actually thinking of calling in Howard’s favour but money was tight so I had to use that favour to get this job-”

“What do you do by the way?” Bucky interrupted.

“I am an aerospace engineer.”

“woah…since when were you a…whatever that is?” Bucky whistled.

“literally a night before the interview.” Tony simply stated and both boys looked at each other and shrugged. If it were anyone but Toni, they would have not believed them. “Okay, I might have a degree in it but whatever.”

“Your files are very confidential.” Toni seamlessly transitioned. “It was tough to get my hands onto. Just from that I knew there was something amiss. And, well after a little bribing, a little gossip, and maybe some flirting later, I had Steve Roger’s files in my hands. Of course when I saw my own brother’s name in the list of scientists involved in the super serum, I felt a bit idiotic.”

“Oh trust me everyone is feeling idiotic these days.” Bucky muttered under his breath.

“Hey, I need a refill. I will be back.” Toni gestured at her empty mug and got up from her seat. In the increasing throng of people, they lost sight of her.

* * *

“Looking for a dance partner, dolly?” A suave voice came up behind Toni and she tried to suppress a sigh. This one sounded as lecherous as the one before, if not more drunk.

“Only if you were Captain America, which you are not.” She sardonically replied, taking the beers, the bartender had just handed her.

“Aw, c’mon, dollface. One dance.” The man called out, still persistently following her.

“Don’t think the pretty lady want a dance, chum.” A thick accented voice called out from the nearby table.

“Qui Qui, zis mademoiselle, how do you say in English.. Elle n’est pas intéressée.” A French accent joint in.

“He says, she is not interested.” The fellow beside the Frenchman translated.

Humiliated, the lecherous man disappeared, leaving Toni alone.

“Won’t lie and say I couldn’t have handled that myself but thank you boys. A round on me?” Toni offered and turned around to get the bartender’s attention but the men dismissed her.

“No way! We can’t let the Captain’s girl pay for us. He already opened a tab, anyways.” The man with the thick moustache and a bowler hat commented, eyes twinkling.

“Captain’s girl…?” Toni quirked an eyebrow, interest obviously piqued.

“Word spreads around here.” He explained with a quirk of his lips. “I am Dugan. That one is Jacques.” He gestured to the Frenchmen.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle.” He said with a thick accent.

“Gabriel-or Gabe for short is his translator. That one’s Jim and this one’s James.” One by one, Dugan introduced his companions.

“So, you men are celebrating, are you?” Toni asked.

“Thanks to the captain we are alive. In his honour we drink.” Gabe raised his glass and everyone else followed. “To Captain America!”

“To Captain America” they all cheered and Toni linked her own glass in salute.

* * *

“Isn’t she taking longer than expected?” Bucky commented. Worry started to seep in only to vanish as he spotted her coming round the corner.

“I feel like I aged 80 years waiting!” Bucky joked as Toni took a seat beside them.

“Very funny. I wasn’t gone that long.” Toni retorted and frumped down in her seat. She started to chug her beer and in a long continuous take, she finished half of its content. With a sigh of pleasure she leaned back. “That hit the spot.”

“Aren’t you drinking a little too much?” Steve asked concernedly

“Oh please! This is nothing! Plus I haven’t even had a drop for a few months now.” She then turned to look at him, really look at him. “You are a Captain now.”

“A real one. Not just in name.” She looked away and stared intensely at the sloshing liquid in her mug. “You did become a hero.”

The music changed from the dance number of Andrew Sisters to a ballad of Vera Lynn and a blanket of melancholy spread through the bar. Bucky couldn’t help but glance at the small dance floor.  In his peripheral vision, he saw Steve do the same.

“Maybe when this is all over, we should all go dancing.” Bucky suggested. Of course, he couldn't directly ask Toni.

Toni raised an eyebrow, and turned to Steve, “What do you say? Promise me a dance?”

“What about me?! Why am I always left out?” Bucky pretended to be insulted.

“I will save one for you both.” Toni winked at them both. Steve was startled when he felt Toni’s small hands rest over his under the table. She squeezed it slightly and he couldn’t help blush down at the table.

Bucky looked at them curiously and then shook his head and looked away, muttering sarcastically, “people in love make me sick.”

* * *

It was getting dark outside but one couldn’t really tell inside the bar from the yellow lights. Toni looked at her wristwatch and cursed, “Dang nabbit! I am late to meet the Colonel. Technically speaking, I am not even supposed to be here. I came because I was worri- I was bored and this camp just happened to be on the way. The Colonel is blowing a fuse over unauthorized visits. The only thing keeping him from putting bullet holes in me is that I am Howard’s sister. But, can’t try my luck too much.”

She picked herself from the chair and pulled out a few loose bills and slapped it on the table. She faced them with a warm smile, “I missed you boys. I am leaving this evening. It will be a while before we see each other again… ”

She proceeded to engulf Bucky in a bear hug.

“Take care of yourself.” Toni whispered into his ears, “Take care of Steve too. I need you two to look after each other when I am gone.”

She turned to Steve and kissed him fully on the lips, with no mind paid to the surrounding. When they pulled apart, the entire bar erupted in cat calls and whistles. It was a ruckus. She winked at them and took a bow. With a tender look on her face, she fixed his hair that she had messed up when she ran her fingers through them just a moment ago. “Don’t let Bucky fool around too much and, you better not die on me, don’t even fake it. Because if you go die, I will kill you.”

“Till next time, soldier.” Toni addressed them as one. With a salute, and a smile that hoped for a future together, she walked away.

Steve smiled sadly. Of course this was war. Nothing could change that. No amount of pretending.

* * *

 A week later, the Axis forces blitz bombed Ireland; Dublin suffered minor casualties. The report stated no survivors in Belfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL! Didn’t expect that, did you!? :) 
> 
> Also, if you noticed, one of the story tags says “historical inaccuracies” and this is one of them. Technically speaking, the blitz bombing in Ireland occurred in 1941/2(?), but the year this story is currently at is early 1944.
> 
> Please comment :)


	18. not another chapter, just an IMPORTANT update (geez! I am a loser)

The story is, I haven't been meaning to put this story on hiatus AGAIN. But, certain circumstances have once again led me to put this story on hiatus. Most(if not all) of you may not be aware that I am actually from Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal and if you have been keeping up with the news then you probably have seen the devastating earthquake that occurred a little bit over 10 days ago and continued for few more days. There are aftershocks to this day and they predict it will last for more than a month. Thankfully, my family and I are all safe. 

But that earthquake also put a lot of things in perspective for me.

As much as I love this story, (and I know I hadn't updated this story long before the earthquake so the earthquake is not alone to blame), I am just not in the right presence of mind to write this right now. I have additional stress over college and entrance and so please give me time. It may be a months, it maybe a year.

I am so sorry. I know you have supported me all along but I cannot focus on too many things but my education and also my life. 

I am so thankful I got to have you as an audience and I will always be thankful.

 

I hope to see you soon if possible :)

 

All the love

-Scientificname

 

follow me on twitter for possible updates about story or just general life :)  TWITTER : **[sumiraiX](https://twitter.com/sumiraiX)**

 


	19. The White Cliffs of Dover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long story short, life is not so great but I am writing again. To put it in perspective, I actually stopped reading and writing not just fanfiction but every form of literature for a considerable amount of time so I do feel a bit rusty about…everything.
> 
> I also have no idea how many are still interested in this story (not many I am assuming) since I have put this story on unplanned hiatus twice? thrice? already but after all that Civil War trailers and promo, I just had to finish this ;-; 
> 
> Lastly, The White Cliffs of Dover by Vera Lynn, my inspiration for this story and of course, the title. This chapter finally sets up something that I have been planning ever since the beginning.
> 
>  
> 
> *posted from my phone so I am worrieed about the overall formatting :/

_“Gotcha!” Howard’s toothy smile was replied by a sulky pout from a 3 year old Toni._

_“No fair!” Toni whined, puffing her chubby cheeks. Once, she was out from under the table, she folded her arms, and stomped her tiny legs. “No hide n seek with Howie. Howie cheat!”_

_“I don’t cheat, dummy! I am just very good at finding you.” His lips quirked into a smirk befitting a 6 year old. “I am your big brother. Big brothers always find their little sisters.”_

* * *

“MY SISTER IS THERE!!!! SHE COULD STILL BE ALIVE!” Howard’s voice echoed throughout the camp.

“Mr. Stark-no, Howard, I am sorry for your loss but you cannot -” Colonel Philip’s calm response didn’t see an end.

“I swear, Colonel. Just let me go to Belfast once and I will…I feel it in my guts that she is not dead. She is tough as they come, Colonel.”

“I know this has been a harrowing experience. Let us talk in my tent.” Colonel tried, noticing the throng of soldiers who had gathered in a circle around them.

“I NEED TO SEE MY SISTER!” Howard yelled, ignoring the murmuring of the crowd that was growing into a dull buzz.

“What will you do when you go there, Stark? You saw the reports. The place is bombed and burnt to the ground. There are no bodies to even recover; nothing but ash. Do you think your sister is still alive in that?” Colonel Philip wasn’t trying to be insensitive. He knew Howard was holding onto nothing but hope.

“She can’t be…dead.” Howard chocked. He wasn’t going to accept this. Not like this. Not ever.

“Howard you are a smart man and you are one of my best men. I am truly sorry for your loss. Believe me when I say I am but I cannot have you unstable like this. Howard, we need you for this war. Your sister, she would-”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE YOU KNOW HER!” Howard yelled at the Colonel’s face. He turned around and stomped passed the gathered crowd, shoving away at the soldiers in frustration. 

* * *

 Howard kicked the metal cabinet by his foot and then proceeded to throw the equipment tray all across the room. The metal gave out a painful screached; the loud metallic ring decreased, drowning the lab in the silence. He fell back against the wall, sliding slowly onto the concrete floor.

Just days before, he had seen her. Just days before, he was being reprimanded for stealing one of her planes. Just days before, he had agreed to take her on a night out to a fancy restaurant when things settled. Just days before, she had talked about being happy. Most importantly, just days before, she had been alive.

Howard knew he wouldn’t have come out of this war the same man he had going in. He had heard about men who were changed by war; he had seen men change. War didn’t really change the man, not in the sense it changed every bit of wiring inside him. No, war changed man in his heart and his mind. War accelerated the metamorphosis of pain, helplessness and desolation into anger and resentment. And right now all Howard felt was pain, helplessness and desolation.

Everything following the months felt surreal to Howard. He felt like he was looking at everything from a window, just experiencing everything as a second party. He functioned in body. He worked for the military, he built them their weapons, and his mind conceptualized a strategic homeland division. But all in all, he was slowly losing himself. It is funny how life is expected to go on the same way it once did.

Expectedly, he grew closer to Steve. He would look at Steve and remember his sister. Sometimes, having that simple connection made the days bearable. Steve would tell him about the small and peaceful life they had in Brooklyn and in return, he would tell Steve about her as a bratty 5 year old. James Barnes, the man he had met in the infirmary many months ago with Toni, would be mentioned a lot but Howard never got to see the man. Steve told him, there was nothing on Bucky’s mind but vengeance.

Sometimes, Howard would look at Rogers and be so angry. Sometimes, he would be so very sad. Toni was a genius, Howard never doubted that. He would look at Steve and wonder if Toni would have been a wife and a mother too.

There was still a war going on and the days he got to see Steve grew fewer and fewer. A small thread of connection he still felt to his sister fraying with the harsh reality of war. There wasn’t time to reminisce.

* * *

In winter of 1944, Howard heard about Rogers single-handedly stopping a Nazi blockade, and saving over 1000 men. Howard was proud and he knew Toni would be too. The same winter, Howard heard about James Barnes’ fall into the rocky mountain and to his presumed death.

In 1945, Howard’s last thread to Toni vanished. Captain America hijacked and crashed the HYDRA aircraft carrying the missiles into the Arctic. Roger’s body was never found among the icy tundra despite Howard’s many search attempts. The Allies won the war that year.

* * *

“Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark!” Howard’s assistant’s voice in the metal bunker echoed and Howard grimaced. That man was entirely too loud at times.

“What is it?” Howard asked behind him, as he continued to check the datasheets in the room. After the war victory, this was one of the many enemy secret bases they had found and Howard was called to examine pretty much every base to see if he could find anything of use to the military. So far, every piece of technology was subpar to what he expected but the human experimentation was something else. It was the amount and extent of failed human experimentation that really got to Howard. The rotting, disfigured, mutilated corpses that greeted him in every lab was ghastly.

“Mr. Stark! I think I found something.” His assistant was frantically calling for him.

Howard sighed and threw down the collected data unto the pile, most of which were hap hazardously scattered before the raid. He was getting a headache from simply looking at all the inaccuracies and frankly, the stupidity of these so called scientists.

“Mr. Stark!”

“I AM COMING, YOU IDIOT!” Howard yelled back, rubbing his face.

Howard turned around to find his assistant looking at several pods hooked to the mainframe computer.

“What happened?” Howard asked, eyeing the scattered papers around him.

“From the size of the pod, a human could easily fit in, right, Mr. Stark?” The assistant was trying for a big reveal. Howard didn’t think the other had the ability of theatrics.

“Get to the point, Geffreson.”

“Its Peterson, Mr. Stark” The assistant corrected meekly.

“Yeah, Peterson. Just skip to the part I will actually care about.”

Howard suppressed the urge to sigh. It had been a long day.

Peterson deflated slightly but perked up as he handed over a chart.

“All of these pods seem to be hooked to a mainframe computer here, and I don’t know what these readings are, we will need more conclusive data and well isolated conditions to understand any of it.” Peterson handed him a bunch of graph readings. “But, these here are definitely brain waves-”

“Another failed human experimentation, huh.” Howard looked testily at one of the pods where a bloated face floated to the top. “I already told the higher ups that isn’t my forte. Just have all the corpses delivered to wherever we were having the others delivered to.” Howard rubbed his eyes. Another batch of failed experiments.

“Mr. Stark…” Peterson suddenly looked giddy. “I don’t think this one is a failure.”

“What?”

“Sir, these are active readings.” Peterson pointed at the machine steadily humming a graph reading. Peterson looked at the paper in his hands and then looked around before landing his eye on a single pod, closest to the mainframe. He pointed with his index finger. “Mr. Stark, that person is still alive.”

They both carefully approached the pod, Peterson rambling the possible experiment objective and reading out stats from the chart.

Suddenly, Howard took a sharp breath.

“The subject seems to be female. Caucasian. Early 20s-”

“Get out! You saw nothing.” Howard’s voice was icy and Peterson stood frozen.

“Mis..Mister Stark?” Peterson stuttered.

“I said, get the fuck out of here and you will not speak to anyone of what you saw today.”

“But..but the government…”

Howard’s voice had changed completely from icy cold to the silky smooth, tone he used to charm anyone in his company. “Your wife, Peterson? She is pregnant, isn’t she? You think you will be able to raise a family in this economy? They don’t pay you that well, I assume.”

Howard gave a dazzling smile and continued, “I am old money and I am also the biggest asset of the US government. I am also very very generous.”

Peterson looked at the pod and the back at Howard. Peterson nodded, “Understood, Mr. Stark.”

Once the footfalls of his assistant had drowned and the bunker was quiet except for the whirring of the small contraptions all around, Howard started to laugh.

Once his laughter died, he placed a hand on the pod, and watched the serene face, unlike the bloated monstrosity before. The machines continued to thrum as if in happiness, and his heart in return thrummed with joy.

He pressed his face against the glass of the pod and whispered, “I told you big brothers always find their little sisters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virtual candies and hugs all around. Special pat on the back for all those who saw it coming.
> 
> Please comment with your thoughts :)
> 
> twitter @sumilogy


	20. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the feedback on the last chapter, guys! Thank you so much for having me back. Thank you Wikipedia for the much needed research help.  
> This story is now officially, the most I have written for anything! :D  
> aaand, in case you didn't notice, we have an updated summary :D
> 
> Below events are in non-chronological order and deliberately confusing.

“Flowers, mister?” the voice accompanied by a toothy grin from a boy who couldn’t be more than 8 years old, stopped Bucky in his tracks.

The boy was holding a small bundle of flowers in one hand and a wicker basket full of similar wild flowers in the other hand. “Very pretty flowers for cheap, mister.”

Bucky noted that most of the flowers were wilted from being out in the heat. He recognized them as wild flowers that he himself used to sell as a kid to make little money. Sometimes, he would take flowers off graves. Nobody really bought these flowers from these children. He knew from experience. Everyone knew they were wild but Bucky always found a certain charm to the resilience of these wild flowers - a beauty he never saw in cultivated gardens.

A certain face popped into Bucky’s head and he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I think I will take one.” Bucky smiled at the little boy and handed him twice the actual amount.

The little boy’s eyes widened briefly but he was back to giving a big toothy grin.

Bucky never gave the flowers to Toni. Instead, he placed them between the worn pages of Oliver Twist.

* * *

“Sergeant Barnes... the procedure has already started. You are to be the new fist of HYDRA!”

* * *

“You know why I hate you? You have better hair than me. Steve has nice hair too.” Toni grumbled, as she ran her fingers through the tangles in her hair “How did I get stuck with this mop?”

“It helps if you comb once in a while.” Bucky commented. Toni gasped and threw a roll of tape at him, which he caught effortlessly.

“Don’t be mean, Bucky. Don’t worry, Toni.” Steve gently patted Toni on the head. “I will let you borrow my comb.”

Toni pounced on Steve in playful anger and Bucky watched in glee.

* * *

James was a strong kid, not the strongest but noticeably stronger than the scrawny-looking boy getting beaten up by the other kids. He immediately ran and stepped in to save the kid.

When the last of the bullies ran away, he turned to face the kid. Bucky had assumed the kid was considerably younger but now, the other boy looked the same age as him.

The skinny boy rubbed the dirt off his face and slowly extended a scrawny hand. James quickly glanced at the torn shoes and shirt of the other boy before shaking it with vigour.

“Steve Rogers.”, the boy said.

“James Barnes.”

* * *

“You are not like other dames.”

“What’s wrong with the other dames?” Toni was unimpressed.

“They are not you.” Bucky flirtatiously replied, followed by a gratuitous wink. Toni rolled her eyes in exasperation.

* * *

“Are you going to kill me now?” Toni’s voice was pained and labored but more than anything else, there was bravado. It didn’t matter though. She was dying, she knew it; blood stained her clothes, her chest felt like it was on fire and she couldn’t feel her left leg.

“Kill you? No, a brain like yours, Miss. Stark. What a waste.” Toni couldn’t see the enemy through the haze clouding her eyes but she could make out the other’s thick German accent.

“Fuck you, German bastard.” Toni spat out but her body quavered as more pain coursed through her chest.

“My name is Dr. Armin Zola.” The man calmly replied, sounding a little amused.

“I hear no difference, fuckface.” Toni gritted through her teeth. “I think you should just kill me because I won’t ever help you bastards.”

“I think you misunderstand.” Dr. Zola pulled out a syringe and plunged it into Toni’s neck. The world went black.

* * *

“What is that?” Bucky pointed sharply.

“Geez, is your formal education lacking, Barnes. That is what a dog looks like.” Toni’s sarcastic reply made Bucky roll his eyes.

“What is a dog doing in our apartment?” Bucky turned to Toni and then pointedly looked at Steve.

“What is a dog doing in our apartment?”

“His name is butterfingers.” Toni answered, without answering the actual question asked.

“Toni, you and Steve can’t just pick up a stray-” Bucky couldn’t finish as a mass of fur slammed against his chest and toppled him over.

Butterfingers started licking Bucky’s face in small, puppy strokes, making the other man giggle under the scrutiny. “This is not happening. Stop laughing, Toni! You too, Steve! I hate you both so much!”

* * *

“If you don’t drink the medicine, Steve. I swear I will shove it down the throat myself.”  
“Bucky, this is expensive. How…how did you afford this?” Steve asked with worry as he checked the label of the bottle. Suddenly, he clutched his chest and loud coughing filled the room.

Once the painful sounds conceded, without looking at his friend, Bucky flippantly added, “Please, Steve. I got an extra shift at work. Now, take your medicine and get better.”

Steve knew Bucky was lying but he couldn’t argue as more painful coughs racked his fragile body. He didn’t ask again and Bucky never told him about pawning his late father's pocket watch.

* * *

“I got us a date, Steve!” Bucky pounced on Steve and playfully mussed the smaller man’s neatly combed hair.

“Us?” Steve scoffed.

“Two beautiful dames for two dapper gents.”

“Bucky, what did you tell her?” Steve sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose.

Bucky looked at him sincerely and said, “That you are my best friend and the second best looking guy in Brooklyn, me being first of course.”

* * *

“I know you.” Howard stated. He squinted his eyes in pain, his face digging deeper into the shattered glass.

* * *

‘I am so sorry, Toni.’ He gave a despondent smile remembering his sister. ‘Guess, I won’t be coming home today.’

Howard painfully maneuvered to scrutinise the familiar assailant standing tall over him. “What happened to you, Bar-”

A single gunshot filled the air.

* * *

"Thank you, Buck, but I can get by on my own."

The funeral service for Sarah Rogers was simple. She was laid next to her husband, Joseph Rogers.

"The thing is, you don't have to. I'm with you till the end of the line, pal."

* * *

“You are really something, Rogers.” Toni said in awe, turning the pages to Steve’s sketchbook. They were laying near the window, with Steve’s heard perched on her lap. She would play with his hair with one hand and the other would flick the pages of his sketchbook.

“It’s just a fruit bowl, Toni.” Steve bashfully deflected the compliment which made Toni roll her eyes and closed the sketchbook. She leaned down and kissed him. A chaste kiss, that still had Steve blushing like a virgin, she smiled down at him gently.

“You are really something, Rogers and you better believe it."

* * *

“You got a pretty dame waiting for you, Barnes?”

Bucky laughed, “There is a pretty dame, but don’t know if she will be waiting for me though.”

The other soldiers egged him to continue but Bucky just smiled at them distantly and tried to quell the sudden plunge he felt in his stomach.

* * *

“Jarvis, no one can know.”

“Mr. Stark-”

“Jarvis, no one can know about her.”

“Understood, Mr. Stark.”

* * *

The Asset, that’s what they called him. He was the Asset. He had no other name, and only a single memory of a man and woman laughing. The man wasn’t him and the woman was beautiful. He didn’t want them to take that memory away.

But, they did. They always did.

He was the Asset and he had no memory of a laughing blonde and a smiling brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments *hint hint* ;)


	21. New York, New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. 2/3rd of this chapter was written a while back but I just couldn’t get myself to finish because I was hit by a terrible writer's block.
> 
> The next chapter is half written but it will be a while before I finish and post it because real life is problematic to say the least.
> 
> Also, after watching Civil War and I am pretty much an emotional mess. Poor Tony. Poor poor Tony.
> 
> I sincerely want to thank everyone for commenting on this story, leaving encouraging words, subscribing to this story, leaving kudos. You have been so kind to me and it made me want to write, even on days I couldn’t…and there were many days I couldn’t.
> 
> This chapter follows the Avengers movie plot. I won’t rehash the whole movie but you get the idea.

**Present Day, _New York City_**

There wasn’t a handbook for waking up almost 70 years in the future. Steve Rogers was simply lost in this new world that had moved on without him. He had yet to learn the way of the new world. It wasn’t the cellphones or the internet that confounded him. It was how the world had changed. The values, the mannerisms, the people; society in the 21st Century was not the same one he was used to in the 40s and that was the most terrifying thing to him.

New York was definitely not how he remembered. Everything was bigger, brighter and bolder. Everything was confusing. Everyone was confusing.

Maybe, that was the reason he accepted Nick Fury’s offer so readily. Combat was something he was familiar with, perhaps, the only thing he was familiar with.

Capturing Loki at Stuttgart had been surprisingly easy. Too easy, in fact. A thought he couldn’t dwell on too much because there was an angry Norse god of Thunder to fight. Thor turned out to be an admirable fellow and despite Steve’s own religious belief, this man who claimed to be a god was a formidable ally to have alongside in this new world. It reminded Steve how alone he really was.

Howard Stark was dead and that realization alone had been a stab through Steve’s heart. Howard would have been the last link to the world he knew. Howard had been his last link to Toni in his own time too. But, now all there was left of Howard was Ironman.

Steve had read the files on Ironman. All he understood from what he read about Ironman, it was a weaponized suit of armor that was recovered from Howard’s lab in the Stark Industries. Well, now it was called ‘Stane International’ since the company now belonged to Howard’s then business partner, Obadiah Stane. A lot happened after Howard’s unfortunate accident years ago.

Steve didn’t know the mechanics of the Ironman suit. But from what he read, the suit was piloted by an Artificial Intelligence. Steve wondered if this artificial intelligence was all that it was made up to be but his first meeting with Ironman had been surprisingly normal. Ironman exchanged a few pleasantries with Steve on his own. Ironman had been concise and curt with his response and Steve had been polite back. It was all a very strange experience knowing he was essentially talking to a machine.

Steve couldn’t help but remember Howard when he was showcasing a failed prototype for a hovering car at Stark Expo in 1943. That was only a few years in his memory but several decades in history. Steve truly was in the future.

It also truly reminded him how alone he was in this new world. This new world with new people and new comrades. He didn’t dislike his new comrades in arm. Dr. Banner, Thor, Natasha Romanoff and even Ironman, who wasn’t even human, were all able allies but they were no Howling Commandoes. And, most importantly, they could never replace the space Bucky and Toni had left.  
Steve had been right in his distrust about the ease of Loki’s capture.

Loki had indeed been playing them. Now for the proof, there was a portal to another universe in the middle of the sky and alien creatures swarming the streets of New York. Amongst the novelty, the familiarity of battle almost filled him with sense of a debauched joy. Fighting was no different in this time than the 1940s.

Just as Black Widow had informed she could finally close the portal in the sky with the help of previously mind controlled Dr. Selvig, Ironman had informed him of an incoming nuke missile headed their way.

Steve was a soldier, and he was ready to sacrifice himself in battle for others; he had done so previously which resulted in his icy slumber. But there was more than just Steve this time – the ones who would die from a nuke were the entirely innocent civilians of New York and his new comrades – the Avengers and they may not have had the same level of bonding he shared with the Howling Commandoes, Steve still felt a protective flair towards them but mostly Steve felt helpless. There was no airplane to crash into the ice. There was nothing he could do and that was a paralyzing thought.

“I know exactly where to put it” It was Ironman’s voice flaring through the comm. And all of a sudden, Steve knew exactly what the other was talking about. His eyes turned to the large wormhole, the gateway for the aliens and he gulped.

“Thats a one way trip!” Steve half-heartedly warned Ironman. He knew sending the nuke towards the wormhole was the only way to ensure everyone’s safety but that would have to come at a personal sacrifice of Ironman. It was oddly a very human thing to do for an Artificial Intelligence. Perhaps, that’s why Steve warned him halfheartedly, Ironman wasn’t human after all.

“I am aware.” Ironman replied through the comm.

“Can you do that, Ironman?” Steve asked more firmly. He was leader. He had to be tactical about it.

There was no reply for a while and when Ironman spoke, it sounded so human even through the mechanical infliction, “For you, Steve. Always”

That wasn’t just an artificial intelligence talking. That couldn’t be. It was far too human.

“Who are you?!” Steve yelled. He watched the nuke fly overhead. Steve could just about make out a vague figure attached below the nuke. The nuke changed its trajectory and began to shoot upwards until it disappeared inside the wormhole.

“I..a-sorry, St-ve” was the distorted reply before the comm line went.

“Ironman, do you copy? Ironman!” Steve yelled frantically but the line was dead. Not even a hiss.

Not moments later, Steve knew the deed was done when all the Chitauri army dropped dead like flies as it got cut off from the mothership.

Steve knew he was already late in giving the command to Black Widow to close the portal but he waited for Ironman to fall back through the atmosphere. One. Two. Three. No one did.

With heavy heart, Steve commanded Natasha, “Close it!”

The guilt churned in his gut. Ironman had felt so human in his last moment. Was that just his over active imagination aided by guilt?

The wormhole was closing but just as it winked into nothingness - leaving but a wake of blue sky - a figure came tumbling through it and Steve found himself cheering internally.

“Son of a guy!” Steve exclaimed in awe which quickly turned into worry as Thor cried, “He’s not slowing down!”

Thor swung his hammer ready to take flight but it was the Hulk that caught the figure midair, crashing into the skyscraper and landing onto the pavement a few blocks down.

Steve frantically made his way towards them, dodging the charred and melted shell of vehicles, some with small fire still blazed within it. He knew Thor was close behind.

Hulk lowered the figure in his arms onto the ground. The figure wasn’t moving. A suit controlled by an AI couldn’t really die, could it? Unless there was someone inside it…

Thor seemed to have the same thought because he crouched down and ripped away the stranger’s faceplate and in return, it was as if Steve’s heart had been ripped out of his throat.

Steve pushed Thor away almost violently with his super strength and fell beside the unmoving figure trying to find a heartbeat. There wasn’t one. He shakily leaned and waited for breathing but there wasn’t any. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. He didn’t know what was happening but he wasn’t losing her again. Not again.

Steve cried out in anguish punching the ground below him and as if sensing Steve’s turmoil, Hulk roared behind them pounding the ground and suddenly there was a whirring sound followed by someone taking a huge gulp of air.

“Woah! What happened?” It was the voice Steve hadn’t heard in ages. The voice Steve thought he would never hear. It was the voice he was in love with.

This was Toni’s voice but there was no way this was Toni in front of except when she looked him straight in the eye he knew it couldn’t be anyone else but her.

Toni broke their eye contact and shot up to a sitting position, “Please tell me someone kissed me!”

Noone answered her.

“Well in that case.” Steve heard before he found his mouth covered by a much too familiar pair of lips.  
 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Author's Note:**

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